I'm coming out. God's used this radical thing called bipolar to draw me closer to Him. My life for the past twenty years since being diagnosed has been a series of valleys. Many more valleys than mountaintops. "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil."
Why do churches feel so uncomfortable with the valleys of life and focus do much on the mountaintops? I think that God can use the utter barren valleys of our lives to draw us closer, to reveal something about His holiness to us. There is this amazing joy that's possible right in the middle of the deepest valley of our lives. I know; I've experienced it many times.
Technically I could be fully disabled and not have to work for the rest of my life. I choose to fight. No, it is not easy. Things that are easy for others are very difficult for me. I have very little energy and have to decide how to spend it. I have work, my girls, church and a few friends. Part of me is crazy self reliant (I'm tough and keep going when others stop) and part if me is crazy reliant on my faith in Jesus to help me make it through each day.
I struggle with depression that would incapacitate many but it is my "normal." It's not my mind, it is my brain chemistry working against me. It is independent of my faith. I have unshakeable faith in my God but I still live in this broken body, this broken vessel.
I wonder how long God will have me here on earth. I want everyday to punt; every encounter with others is a chance to show Jesus to them. The lady in the basement doing laundry...the young man at the Quik Trip this morning. Did my words count? Did my actions today demonstrate my passion for Christ?
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