Dreaming a Cruel Dream

Last night, right before I woke up I was dreaming about being married, happily.  Then my alarm went off and I woke up and it was not so.  What a way to start the day.  

I've learned that I need not to have any contact with my soon to be ex, for my own well being.  Anytime I try to talk with him about something, or something I need, I end up mad at him because of the poor way I'm treated.  

So I'm letting go.  Like the song says, "I'm letting go of the life I had for me, and my dreams.  I'm losing control of my destiny.  ....."  Why is losing control, even when it is to God, so hard?  I would so like to gladly lose control but instead I grudgingly give Him control often enough.  

My dream feel like a cruel joke.  Maybe it was just my neurons firing here and there.  Maybe it was a mere coincidence.  Maybe it was from God.  Who knows?  All that I know is that my heart hurt this morning.

When is this going to get any easier?   Until I figure out that answer I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  (I hate that expression!)  night night