Makes me Want to be a Better Person

I guess the time has come to start living life.  I've come to the conclusion that there is no "getting over" being married then going through a divorce.  There is just putting your feet in front of the other, moving forward, even if it's just by inches everyday.

I'm tired of hurting.  I'm tired of feeling betrayed and torn in two.  I'm tired of feeling angry.  I'm just tired.  So I am going to pray that God will continue to work in me and will help me do whatever it is that is next.

I'm trying my best to forgive but that's hard to do when you're torn in little pieces, still mourning the death of your most precious relationship.  I'm not sure I know how to do this, to move forward.  When every thing in me screams, go back, "wait!"  I want my life back.  

When I am with my children, my love for them moves me to become a better person.  To be better.  To be Mom with a capital M.  Because they expect and deserve nothing less.  I can't quit, I can't bow out, I choose to be MOM.  Strong, individual, humbled.

I have to find some peace in all of this mess.  To know that even in the mess that God still loves me and I'm resting with Him.   God, grant me wisdom first, then Your peace and Your strength.  Help me to be the kind of woman that my children can look up to.  Help me to have integrity.  Grant me Your peace.  I beg of you.