This has been the longest day. Depression has followed me around today like an unwelcome friend. I couldn't shake it all day. Did everything that I usually do: prayed, took a nap, played with animals, saw a movie, hung out. Still depression has landed on me like a cloud, a dark cloud. An ominous severe thunderstorm warning with a threat of tornados. That is what I feel like.
Mildly comforted by some new clothes, sandals and flip flops purchased oh and a new purse. All of which I needed for work. I with you got a work allowance for clothing. That would be great.
I have some big decisions to make regarding my health and how I'd like to handle this. Harder when there are kids and animals involved. Doctor is going to treat me outpatient but that is hard and I won't get much face time with him. My new insurance really stinks. I was so disappointed on Friday when I learned about my lack of benefits. My company most likely wrote a policy disallowing the type of treatment I got last year in order to save some money. I get that. But it still sucks.
Tomorrow my doc wants me to go back to work. I do not feel up to it but I have a feeling if I want to save my job that I will be there, early, work through lunch and put in a good day's work. I'm extremely lacking in the energy department as Mr. Depression (think that's what I'm going to name my depression) has sucked all the joy out of me.
If you are a reader, please say a prayer for me. Pray that I can conquer this round of depression with some dignity and grace and that ultimately the Lord will be glorified, even in my weakness. Especially in my weakness. I so relate to Paul wanting his "thorn in his side" removed. Lord would you consider removing my thorn in the side? Not my will but thine be done.
goodnight
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