Round Two

Today was round two of visiting my doctor this week. We're trying to get some med issues ironed out and he wanted to see me before he went on vacation next week and he'll be out of the office.  Good news is that he thinks I'm getting better or am better than I was on Tuesday. This is a good thing. We tweeked some meds around just a little bit...but feel like what we have is working finally.  I'm not one of those bipolar patients that takes lithium and is magically healed. I am the ultra rapid cycling kind of bipolar disorder I in case you were wondering. What does that all mean? Google it.....

It means that I struggle to do things a little more than folks who don't have it do. It means my emotions are more intense and more up and down then those who don't have it. It means a lot of things. I'd love to say that I'm spiritually mature enough to be 100% thankful for it but I'm not. I struggle with it. I struggle wondering why I ended up with this thing that isn't curable, only treatable. Why it had to get in the way of so many friendships and ultimately my marriage?

There are some things that I am thankful for tonight. I am thankful to be here, in relatively good health, at my home, sober, sane (mostly), and to be a mom. I'm thankful to be alive. I'm thankful that God gave me the will to want to continue living despite what feels like big obstacles to me sometimes. God uses people, books, the Scriptures, and my doctor to get me through the rough times.

Tonight I'm thankful for my doctor. He gave me a pretty good pep talk for him this afternoon.  We talked for probably more than 30 minutes, he got me all my prescriptions with refills (yeah) and I have to go back in two weeks to check in with him again to see how I'm doing.

My reality: this has been a very difficult two or three weeks. I've had multiple ups and downs, the highs were high and the lows were low. Starting to level off now and it feels good. I'm hoping to NOT wake up at 4 am tomorrow. I'm hoping to have enough energy for what God will put in my day tomorrow.