Bipolar Supermom: Worship of Asking God

A couple of weeks ago we were studying the Lord's prayer at church.  I really enjoyed the service and it got me thinking a lot.  Although I have an active prayer life, I had yet to ask God for help in finding another job.  We studied how just as earthly father's wouldn't give their son a stone if he asks for bread, our Heavenly Father wants to give us good gifts too!  There is something interesting in this concept.  While God is omnipotent (all powerful to you new or not in the faith), He gets pleasure out of his creation (us) asking Him for things.  He can and does give us "our daily bread" (He takes care of our daily needs) but He enjoys us asking Him for things.  I think this is for us as much as it is for Him.

There is nothing like asking God for something then having your prayer answered.  A few years ago, when I had just moved out of my home when my husband filed for divorce, I found myself with a big apartment (2 bedroom), and no furniture.  So the girls mentioned something about a bunk bed so we started right then and there to start praying for them.  It wasn't too many weeks when I got a call from a friend of a friend asking, out of the blue, if I needed a bunk bed!  She had an older one and was replacing it and thought of me.  I was thrilled.  I picked up the bunk bed and hauled it into the girl's bedroom.  Then we three realized we didn't have mattresses.  So began to pray for those.  Then, completely out of the blue, I received a check in the mail from a lady I'd never met (a friend of my brother and sister in law's) for $100.00.  I was blown away.

To make matters even cooler, I had an appointment with my doctor around that time and told him about my husband filing for divorce and he pulled out his wallet and gave me a $100 bill!  I just cried.  God had provided the money we needed to buy two mattresses!

That is a long preface to my most recent story.  I recently prayed for God's help with my job situation.  Although I'm happy to have a job, I'm not making enough to meet my expenses every month and have been living off my savings since I started here.  My boss pulls me into a room the other day and had a sit-down with me.  It boiled down to this. I had worn a dress to the office last week, they were worried I was out interviewing and wanted to tell me they really liked me.  They basically were worried about losing me.  I didn't wear the dress for an interview, only lunch with my two girlies.  So I was able to tell my boss my financial situation, told him what I need to make and the range for other people who do jobs like mine.  He gave me many compliments and then told me he'd take it to the owner for consideration.  I'm not sure what will happen if anything but it was rather cool to see God's hand in all this.

We serve a big God.  I'm not saying He's going to give us everything we ask for.  That's not Biblical.  He does promise to care for us each and every day and to provide for His children.  He takes job in us asking Him for help.

I'm going to change the way I pray.  You never know what God has planned for you.  He promises to make all things come together for good for those who love Him.  That's a promise that I live with and for every day of my life.

Bottom line, God is good.  He wants us to ask Him everything that's on our hearts.  He knows what we need even before we ask for it.  He is beyond time.  He's always been....past, present and future.  He always will be.  Wrap your head around that today.

Bipolar Supermom: Praying for your Enemies & Forgiveness Thoughts

I've been working on the concept of forgiveness for quite a while.  I've known in my heart that I was called to forgive someone who hurt me deeply.  Instead of following God's plan I held onto my grudge, feeling miserable and making myself sick in the process.  I knew that I had to let go but I just couldn't.  Or wouldn't is a better way to put it.

It's easy to forgive your friends and family.  Forgiving your enemies takes a lot more work and faith in God.  A few months ago I was able to give a hurtful situation and forgive another person (although they had not requested it).  I'm moving on.  I still have to re-forgive...after all, doesn't God call us to forgive 70 x 7 times?  I mean, it's obviously a process in some cases or else he would have said do it once and it's done.  When the "perp" does it over and over, I sometimes daily  have to re-forgive this person.

It's amazing what it can do to your heart when you take time out of each day to PRAY for your enemies.  It's hard; sometimes feels odd but ultimately the process will help set you free.  I started out praying for the desire to pray for that person.  I wasn't ready to pray or forgive them.  That lasted a WHILE.  Then I was able to pray for him.  Now I pray for him *almost* daily, certainly regularly.  I hope that God changes his life like God has changed mine.

God's took my broken heart and is mending it.  It's nothing sort of miraculous.

God's good.  All the time.

Bipolar Supermom: Silence is Roaring

The silence here is roaring. I don't have the kids this weekend so it's just me, myself and a couple of kitty cats. They're fine company but they don't talk much! ha

This morning I woke up feeling good. Am excited because I am going to brave going to church by myself this morning. I'm hoping to find someone I know to sit with but if not I don't mind sitting by myself. I usually sit in the first three rows so that I can pay attention.  The last few times I've been I've forgotten my Bible so today that is my mission: remember my Bible!

Taking the camera with me so that I can go play with it on the way home. I should bring the manual.  Well about time to go. Don't even know why I bothered posting. I had nothing to say.

This morning I'm just happy that I feel good. I'm happy that I feel good enough to brave church by myself. My way of dealing with the roaring silence is to go where people are...church!

Bipolar Supermom: Tide is turning or Bowling me over, not sure

Good day to you all, my few followers! I just had a great weekend with my children. We had ups and downs, laughter and tears. It was all endearing. I'm realizing that puberty might be hitting one of mine a little early....which means that I'm going to need to be doing some reading so I know how to manuever this period of my life.

I've had a bit of a wild week. A week ago I was in the hospital because I was not feeling well.  I spent about 6 hours in the ER then they let me go home. The next day I spent going from doctor to doctor.  All to find out that all looked well but I have to go back to the doctor today for a follow up appointment to figure out why I am so out of breath all the time. (this is unusual for me, even at this weight).

Laughter

This morning I realized that I don't laugh much anymore. Three years ago this week my ex spouse told me he had filed for divorce and frankly, before then even, there was no laughter. There was lots and lots of hurt and hurtful actions and words.

I want someone to laugh with. I want to giggle, throw my head back and guffah with someone who means the world to me. It's been too long since I have really laughed like that. I want to laugh. I want to have fun. I want my life back. It's time. I'm tired of mourning what I had. I'm done with that. I'm done with him. He has taken too much of my mind over the past decade and now it's time to be me again.

The me who loves to shop, loves cool shoes, loves photography, loves her children, loves life. I miss that girl. Maybe she was just in hiding and it's time for her to reappear.  Maybe it's time for her to heal.

I took off my ring that my ex-mother in law gave me and was stuck on for years. I pulled it off and exclaimed outloud (rather loud) "I'M FREE!" then laughed! I am free and the only thing holding me back is the "tapes" from my ex that run continually inside my head. It's like I've spent the last three years in therapy trying to erase the tapes. I am not who he said I was. My self worth comes from who the Lord of the heaven says I am and God almighty says that "I am beautifully and wonderfully made."

So here I sit. I can sit and mourn what is already gone or I can begin to live again. The second one scares me to death but it is the second one that I choose. I choose it for me and for my children. I choose to be happy. I choose life. I choose to laugh. Maybe one day I will meet someone who will make me laugh.

Pray

Tomorrow morning I am going into the hospital for a treatment for my depression that frankly is a little scary and very controversial. I've had good luck with it recently (thank God) so we are going to do it again. Please lift me up in prayer and my doctor and his team as they work on my treatment.

Other than that, life is just sort of plugging along. It feels like the world's longest week. Each day has seemed to last an eternity plus I've been really tired struggling with some depression. I've gone to bed early each night to give my body the rest I need to combat what my physiology does to me with this bipolar disorder. Rest for me is my key tool in my toolbox. Along with a really really great doctor that I can't go on enough about. I'm so thankful for him and his wisdom over the many years that he's been my physician.

So wish me luck er I mean, pray for me as I have a big day planned for tomorrow!

Cheers!

Seek God

I like how God uses "little" things to remind us of Him. Take tonight, as I drove home from a meeting, he put on the most unbelievable sunset I'd ever seen.  I took a shot. Unfortunately it won't let me upload it.

Today I went to work for a couple of hours then had to come home because I was so tired and dizzy that I could barely function. I came home and slept about 4 hours without any medication. I was tired. I then ran an errand that needed doing and enjoyed the air conditioning.

Tonight I'm thankful that my kids are doing so great in school. I'm thankful that I did get to spend a half hour or so with them. We had a school meeting tonight so I didn't get my parenting time. My parents were gracious enough to watch them and take them to dinner. They seemed to have fun.

My words of wisdom tonight are to encourage you to seek God. He wants to be found by us. Seek Him and you will find Him.  Make that your mission tonight and in the days to come.