Reawakening In Me

I can't believe it. I am feeling good....I mean, REALLY REALLY good for the first time in, well, years. Physically and mentally feeling good. Two of my doctors have changed some of my meds around and I feel AMAZING. Lets put it this way - I am cleaning house for the first time in a while. For so many years, just being awake and existing was exhausting.

I have a lot to do to get my life in order but for the first time in very many years, I feel like I might have the ongoing, consistent energy to actually get it done. I mean, I've done more this morning than in weeks prior! :-)

Doing laundry, cleaning, nesting. Can't believe that I might have to leave this place that I once hated. I'm just getting used to it. Well, God's got some sort of plan I just am not sure of it yet. The idea of packing up again and leaving to another apartment is depressing. I want a home for my children so much. More than anything in the entire world.

Even today, as good as it goes, I get to thinking about what I want more than anything is for my family to be whole but I've given up on that hope. It's not going to happen and it probably wouldn't be good for me but I can't help but wish it. There, I've said it. I would give anything in the entire world to be able to go back and undo a lot of things. Even with all the healing that has happened in my heart there is a part of it that will forever be broken and that's just the way it is.

I've got to get it together and quit feeling sorry for myself. I should go finish that laundry I started! Then take a shower, then go grocery shopping, then, then.