Not the day. Today was not the day for the divorce. We all though it was but it wasn't. Now we have to wait another month and a half. I'm not excited about this. I was ready TODAY. I prepared my heart to be through today. I had the talk with him TODAY.
But it was not to be. God had a different plan. Today I was just thinking about the passage in Ecclesiastes where it says there is a time for.....basically there is a time for everything under the sun. That God has our lives mapped out. I rest in that thought and those truths tonight. I trust God and know that He has this all under control.
It is hard for me to NOT worry a little bit. I have a year of alimony then it's all me. I need to make a lot more money than I do now and need to start looking for another job or another job in my field. I need to bring it to the Lord and ask Him to provide it for me. He's done that for every other thing that I've asked for in the last couple of years.
I was ready. I was ready to be done, to move on. I was ready. It was not meant to be for today. I am sitting here again going: God, what are you doing? How does this fit into your plan? Can you help me to glorify you through my disappointment? Can you help me tomorrow when I have to talk to co-workers? I want to glorify you Lord but right now I'm still frustrated, weary and just really really TIRED.
Lord I give this all to you. You are the author and perfector of my faith. Give me the courage I need to go through the next many weeks. I need your strength God. So much.
Darn cough won't go away. I'm tired of my cough!
Until next time.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Starting to Feel Like Home
I feel like I'm finally starting my new life. In a couple of days there is a good chance my divorce will be finalized (please let it be). I'm ready to move on. Ready to be open to whatever situations and whomever God has for me or doesn't.
But I'm not closed to the idea of having a special someone in my life. In fact although my life is hectic, you can't wait for life to slow down to meet people....for me, as a single mom, I've just got to fit it into my life NOW. I've been through the stages where I threw myself into work, into this or that. Now I want a balanced life. I want a family again. I want to be a family with someone again. Very much.
Part of me knows the way God has brought people into my life before and part of me has an inkling of where God is leading but another part of me has no clue at all what God is up to. I wish that I knew.
Right now I need to learn what it's like to live a more balanced life. I remember two years ago I would come home from working all sorts of odd shifts, and be soooo tired. I didn't have a set schedule for over 6 months and then I worked two jobs for the next year or so. I'm happy to just have one full time job now.
I'm very confused. I do not understand men at all. I give up. I thought I might have it figured out and NOPE wrong again. I give. Well I'm certainly not going to lose any sleep over it all. No one is worth that. (well maybe my kids...but we're not talking about them!).
Who knows? All I know is that I'm putting on my jammies and watching some tv. I did not sleep good again last night (new house, matress turned, room is too light, to name a few). I've got parent teacher conferences tomorrow at 7:30 then my car goes to the shop to get looked at. I am broker than broke so hope it doesn't cost an arm or a leg.
Until next time,
But I'm not closed to the idea of having a special someone in my life. In fact although my life is hectic, you can't wait for life to slow down to meet people....for me, as a single mom, I've just got to fit it into my life NOW. I've been through the stages where I threw myself into work, into this or that. Now I want a balanced life. I want a family again. I want to be a family with someone again. Very much.
Part of me knows the way God has brought people into my life before and part of me has an inkling of where God is leading but another part of me has no clue at all what God is up to. I wish that I knew.
Right now I need to learn what it's like to live a more balanced life. I remember two years ago I would come home from working all sorts of odd shifts, and be soooo tired. I didn't have a set schedule for over 6 months and then I worked two jobs for the next year or so. I'm happy to just have one full time job now.
I'm very confused. I do not understand men at all. I give up. I thought I might have it figured out and NOPE wrong again. I give. Well I'm certainly not going to lose any sleep over it all. No one is worth that. (well maybe my kids...but we're not talking about them!).
Who knows? All I know is that I'm putting on my jammies and watching some tv. I did not sleep good again last night (new house, matress turned, room is too light, to name a few). I've got parent teacher conferences tomorrow at 7:30 then my car goes to the shop to get looked at. I am broker than broke so hope it doesn't cost an arm or a leg.
Until next time,
Monday, October 25, 2010
Dear God
Dear God,
Will you take good care of my friend, Richard, cuz he went to be with you this weekend. Lord, thank you for taking him home. Thank you for the life he lived and all the people he told about you.
Thank you Lord for making my dad and Richard friends. Dad doesn't have many close friends, just a handful and Richard was among one of my dad's friends. Because of that, I also had the privilege to know this amazing man.
One summer I spent in Colorado working with his team, living there, volunteering in the inner city of Denver for this camp he started there. It was an amazing summer. I was screwed up, I think my parents knew it that is why the offer for me to go spend the summer at this place in Colorado. There I got to know Richard and he just loved me, with all of my faults. He made me want to be more like Christ.
Every person you'll meet will tell you what an amazing and generous man Richard was. He was generous with everything. He'd probably give you the shirt off of his back if he'd have thought it would help you.
Lord, tonight Richard is with you. We miss him down here immensely but know that you have healed his body of cancer and he is worshipping at your throne, finally getting to go be with this Jesus who he never stopped talking about.
Richard was infectious. His excitement for God and for the Word spread like wildfire in his life and to those who had the pleasure of knowing him. He truly was an amazing person.
My dad and I were having lunch the other day about an hour before Richard died, talking about him, how much we didn't understand why God chose to leave him here suffering for so long. About how there are some things in life he'll never understand. Little did we know that Richard only had an hour or so left on this earth. This morning I had to call my dad to tell him that his friend had died. I cried all the way to work...and then for a couple of hours.
My heart goes out to his family for their loss but I know that despite their sorrow they too are rejoicing that Richard is finally home.
God, say Hi to Richard for me. Tell him to save me a spot, that I'll be there when you decide. That I can't wait to dance in a fully healed body. To worship at my Savior's feet. Just thinking about it makes me long for heaven.
I was a better person for knowing Richard. He blessed my family and he blessed me, through his pain, and he glorified the Lord until the very end. Goodbye Richard. God please take good care of him 'cuz he's extra special.
Will you take good care of my friend, Richard, cuz he went to be with you this weekend. Lord, thank you for taking him home. Thank you for the life he lived and all the people he told about you.
Thank you Lord for making my dad and Richard friends. Dad doesn't have many close friends, just a handful and Richard was among one of my dad's friends. Because of that, I also had the privilege to know this amazing man.
One summer I spent in Colorado working with his team, living there, volunteering in the inner city of Denver for this camp he started there. It was an amazing summer. I was screwed up, I think my parents knew it that is why the offer for me to go spend the summer at this place in Colorado. There I got to know Richard and he just loved me, with all of my faults. He made me want to be more like Christ.
Every person you'll meet will tell you what an amazing and generous man Richard was. He was generous with everything. He'd probably give you the shirt off of his back if he'd have thought it would help you.
Lord, tonight Richard is with you. We miss him down here immensely but know that you have healed his body of cancer and he is worshipping at your throne, finally getting to go be with this Jesus who he never stopped talking about.
Richard was infectious. His excitement for God and for the Word spread like wildfire in his life and to those who had the pleasure of knowing him. He truly was an amazing person.
My dad and I were having lunch the other day about an hour before Richard died, talking about him, how much we didn't understand why God chose to leave him here suffering for so long. About how there are some things in life he'll never understand. Little did we know that Richard only had an hour or so left on this earth. This morning I had to call my dad to tell him that his friend had died. I cried all the way to work...and then for a couple of hours.
My heart goes out to his family for their loss but I know that despite their sorrow they too are rejoicing that Richard is finally home.
God, say Hi to Richard for me. Tell him to save me a spot, that I'll be there when you decide. That I can't wait to dance in a fully healed body. To worship at my Savior's feet. Just thinking about it makes me long for heaven.
I was a better person for knowing Richard. He blessed my family and he blessed me, through his pain, and he glorified the Lord until the very end. Goodbye Richard. God please take good care of him 'cuz he's extra special.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I'm Here
I'm here. It's real. It's peaceful. I really like it here. It's also pretty quiet. (nice). I'm on end unit so that could be good.
I'm also really tired so this is all I'm posting tonight. Will write more when I feel more inspired. Tonight is not that night.
I'm thankful. Pray that I make it to and from work tomorrow safely.
I'm also really tired so this is all I'm posting tonight. Will write more when I feel more inspired. Tonight is not that night.
I'm thankful. Pray that I make it to and from work tomorrow safely.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
$451.00 and a Dad!
Well, I'm moved. Everything here except for vacuum and steam cleaner which is at old place for cleaning person to use tomorrow or Monday. Oh my goodness you should have seen what was under my bed! I could never move it as it is a large bed.....and when the movers did I wanted to die of embarrassment although I'm sure they've seen worse. Two guys did a great job. I used Two Men and a Truck. Used them 10-12 years ago to not too good then but today's guys were great. Plus between me and my dad watching their every move I think they paid attention. I mean, I deal with moving claims for a living so knew what to tell them, what to do, etc.
So I'm officially moved. I even took a nap this afternoon. Crazy. I slept two hours like a baby. It was much needed as the stress of this week caught up with me. Tomorrow I must get a lock for storage unit, and meet with cleaning lady and oh, get some more steam cleaner fluid/soap stuff. I hope that I am able to get most of my deposit back from my place I moved but I doubt it. Today I caught a box on fire when I put it on the stove and it hit the on knob. Crazy.
I plan to work until I can't tonight then sleep in, get up and meet with lady, then who knows? I was going to do something later tomorrow but I think those plans changed so if so, I'll just hang out at my new place.
Realized when I was thinking about the dollar store and I'm like; I could run up and get that...only its 30 blocks from here. I'm going to have to go exploring my new neighborhood to REALLY see what is here.
One cat is hiding inside the bottom kitchen cabinets! She's too scared to come out. Very funny.
I have like 5 boxes of pancakes...not full boxes...all these half boxes....it was funny to unpack them. My friend who helped me pack probably thought I was nutso. We don't even eat pancakes all that often! I must just not remember if I do or don't have a box while shopping without a list (I don't recommend) and then pick up a box. Cheap dinner. Add some scrambled eggs and we have happy campers here.
I hung some pictures in my kitchen. They were the first birthday gift I got when I moved out. Special to me. They hang over my sink so I will see them every single day. I like that a lot! So will the kids.
Can't wait until the kiddos get to come here. I am so anxious to wrap them in my arms and introduce them to their new home. I am hoping they don't think it's dinky and the carpet (which is brown) is hideous. I am thinking it will hide a world of dirty kids! And I have a steam cleaner!
I just realized that I'm happy. Really, really happy. The last place I had to find, had to be close to school, etc. Never once felt at home there. This place has potential. I might even buy houseplants. (although I tend NOT to do good at house plants). I am watching the most beautiful sunset over to the west of here. It is spectacular and I have a great view (and also a great view of how dirty my sliding doors are!).
A little concerned as the safety chain is up high and little one can't reach it. Might have to have my dad or maintenance do their thing. I need to find my light bulbs for my lamp...this place needs light in the living room. There are no overhead lights in the whole living room.
Just happy. So happy. Happy that I made it here, got everything packed up (for the most part), happy that I had JUST ENOUGH money to move here. 10 days until payday. Lord, make my dollars stretch. Please let me have just what I need to make it, buy groceries for next weekend with the kids, etc. Lord stretch my dollars please!
Oh the $451.00 was the mover's fee! That's not quite $10/item/box. They did a good job and I was pleased. It would be awesome and I had twelve friends with big trucks but I don't. I also have a very busy family so I was just thankful dad took this morning to help me. Then he took me to lunch and we talked about God. It was nice. I think the lunch was my favorite part of the day. I love my parents both very much. My dad understands and listens. My mom just KNOWS me like I know mine!
Until next time...which might be later tonight, never know!
So I'm officially moved. I even took a nap this afternoon. Crazy. I slept two hours like a baby. It was much needed as the stress of this week caught up with me. Tomorrow I must get a lock for storage unit, and meet with cleaning lady and oh, get some more steam cleaner fluid/soap stuff. I hope that I am able to get most of my deposit back from my place I moved but I doubt it. Today I caught a box on fire when I put it on the stove and it hit the on knob. Crazy.
I plan to work until I can't tonight then sleep in, get up and meet with lady, then who knows? I was going to do something later tomorrow but I think those plans changed so if so, I'll just hang out at my new place.
Realized when I was thinking about the dollar store and I'm like; I could run up and get that...only its 30 blocks from here. I'm going to have to go exploring my new neighborhood to REALLY see what is here.
One cat is hiding inside the bottom kitchen cabinets! She's too scared to come out. Very funny.
I have like 5 boxes of pancakes...not full boxes...all these half boxes....it was funny to unpack them. My friend who helped me pack probably thought I was nutso. We don't even eat pancakes all that often! I must just not remember if I do or don't have a box while shopping without a list (I don't recommend) and then pick up a box. Cheap dinner. Add some scrambled eggs and we have happy campers here.
I hung some pictures in my kitchen. They were the first birthday gift I got when I moved out. Special to me. They hang over my sink so I will see them every single day. I like that a lot! So will the kids.
Can't wait until the kiddos get to come here. I am so anxious to wrap them in my arms and introduce them to their new home. I am hoping they don't think it's dinky and the carpet (which is brown) is hideous. I am thinking it will hide a world of dirty kids! And I have a steam cleaner!
I just realized that I'm happy. Really, really happy. The last place I had to find, had to be close to school, etc. Never once felt at home there. This place has potential. I might even buy houseplants. (although I tend NOT to do good at house plants). I am watching the most beautiful sunset over to the west of here. It is spectacular and I have a great view (and also a great view of how dirty my sliding doors are!).
A little concerned as the safety chain is up high and little one can't reach it. Might have to have my dad or maintenance do their thing. I need to find my light bulbs for my lamp...this place needs light in the living room. There are no overhead lights in the whole living room.
Just happy. So happy. Happy that I made it here, got everything packed up (for the most part), happy that I had JUST ENOUGH money to move here. 10 days until payday. Lord, make my dollars stretch. Please let me have just what I need to make it, buy groceries for next weekend with the kids, etc. Lord stretch my dollars please!
Oh the $451.00 was the mover's fee! That's not quite $10/item/box. They did a good job and I was pleased. It would be awesome and I had twelve friends with big trucks but I don't. I also have a very busy family so I was just thankful dad took this morning to help me. Then he took me to lunch and we talked about God. It was nice. I think the lunch was my favorite part of the day. I love my parents both very much. My dad understands and listens. My mom just KNOWS me like I know mine!
Until next time...which might be later tonight, never know!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Whole Lot of Packing Going On
Packing it up, moving on up. Or over...or up the street. Actually downsizing....new apartment smaller than this one. Last count was 34 boxes. That is crazy. Hope the movers are strong and fast as they charge by the hour with a two hour minimum plus trip charge.
Gotta get up to get kids to school then head to WalMart for more boxes. I hope they have smaller ones. I like the ones I got there but they are huge. I need some smaller ones to just throw last minute things in.
I'm SO TIRED. Maxed out. Praying that God will renew my body tonight while I sleep. Tomorrow I get new place.....new keys.....very excited. Cable guy coming in the afternoon to install cable. Must remember to take TV and cable modem.
Going to go find the Alleve bottle and some cats. I'm TIRED. Worked hard all day packing, laundry, folding, throwing out trash, organizing, etc. I am so sick of moving. It's not even funny.
Now I lay me down to sleep....or in the next hour or so....going to see if I packed every book I own...
Until next time. I might be in new place on my next blog posting!!! Very excited.
Gotta get up to get kids to school then head to WalMart for more boxes. I hope they have smaller ones. I like the ones I got there but they are huge. I need some smaller ones to just throw last minute things in.
I'm SO TIRED. Maxed out. Praying that God will renew my body tonight while I sleep. Tomorrow I get new place.....new keys.....very excited. Cable guy coming in the afternoon to install cable. Must remember to take TV and cable modem.
Going to go find the Alleve bottle and some cats. I'm TIRED. Worked hard all day packing, laundry, folding, throwing out trash, organizing, etc. I am so sick of moving. It's not even funny.
Now I lay me down to sleep....or in the next hour or so....going to see if I packed every book I own...
Until next time. I might be in new place on my next blog posting!!! Very excited.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Little Things I'm Thankful For
Tonight I am thankful for the little things. A productive day at work. A talk with a co-worker on a break. A wonderful home cooked meal. Good friends. A sense of normalcy is returning to my life again after being gone for so very long. Normal is good. Normal is very nice.
Today although I knew I was going to be stressed out I just decided that I was going to do my work heartily as unto the Lord. That my worship today was doing the best job I could with the tasks that I had in front of me.
Got to talk to the kids tonight. That was great. I miss them. Just one more day and I get them overnight. They will not be with me when I move this weekend but will instead be coming the following weekend. That is going to be great. I want some time to get some things unpacked and try to make things a little homey before they get there. After moving expenses I figure I'm pretty much broke for the rest of month. It will just be gas and food money. NOTHING else unless emergency.
So funny that two days ago I prayed about two issues in my life and I asked God for direction on both issues and He answered in spades! Now I have to step out in faith on one of them and trust that I am following God. The second one God just provided for me in a tangible way and it was great and neat.
Tonight I'm thankful for furry kitties who love to hang out with me. Yeah yeah I know not everyone likes cats but they have been SO GOOD for my heart. To not be here alone was so nice. They were good for the kids too. Are good for the kids.
Tonight I am thankful for friends, from long ago who have come back into my life after we both lived some of life. Nice to be friends again.
Thankful to have a warm bed and home to sleep in. Thankful to have a job in this economy. Thankful to have health insurance. Thankful for my children. Thankful to God for giving me all these things.
Yep, I had another happy day. I like that I'm having more happy days than non-happy days. This is a good trend I have going! Thank you, God, for blessing me richly.
Today although I knew I was going to be stressed out I just decided that I was going to do my work heartily as unto the Lord. That my worship today was doing the best job I could with the tasks that I had in front of me.
Got to talk to the kids tonight. That was great. I miss them. Just one more day and I get them overnight. They will not be with me when I move this weekend but will instead be coming the following weekend. That is going to be great. I want some time to get some things unpacked and try to make things a little homey before they get there. After moving expenses I figure I'm pretty much broke for the rest of month. It will just be gas and food money. NOTHING else unless emergency.
So funny that two days ago I prayed about two issues in my life and I asked God for direction on both issues and He answered in spades! Now I have to step out in faith on one of them and trust that I am following God. The second one God just provided for me in a tangible way and it was great and neat.
Tonight I'm thankful for furry kitties who love to hang out with me. Yeah yeah I know not everyone likes cats but they have been SO GOOD for my heart. To not be here alone was so nice. They were good for the kids too. Are good for the kids.
Tonight I am thankful for friends, from long ago who have come back into my life after we both lived some of life. Nice to be friends again.
Thankful to have a warm bed and home to sleep in. Thankful to have a job in this economy. Thankful to have health insurance. Thankful for my children. Thankful to God for giving me all these things.
Yep, I had another happy day. I like that I'm having more happy days than non-happy days. This is a good trend I have going! Thank you, God, for blessing me richly.
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