Friday, May 15, 2009

Mourning My Dreams, Dreaming New Ones

Hug your family tonight.  If you're married, grab your spouse and tell him or her how very much you love and cherish them.  Live life like there is no tomorrow because we're not promised a tomorrow.  Sing to your children.  Cherish them and savor your time with them.

Months ago I had a family of my own.  Now I don't.  I still have my children but I do not have a husband anymore.  My heart breaks because of that.  Sure it wasn't a good relationship toward the end but it wasn't always like that.

Tonight I'm mourning the death of my dreams for my life and for my future.  For a long time I just felt empty, without vision and without dreams for my future.  Then sometime along the way slowly God began to give me new dreams. They are still being revealed but I don't have that horrible feeling every second of every day anymore.  I do have it, just not as much.

Tonight my heart hurts for my loved one, my once husband.  I know he is hurting and I pray for him too.  Pray for those who persecute you the Bible says.  I mourn the loss of our love.  The beautiful love we had when we married.  I mean, he was my best friend.  Now I don't have that anymore.  

I'm so tired.  And it's a tired that I've never felt before, an all-body, heart sick, broken heart tired.  Somewhere under all of this I still trust God although I don't understand His ways or His plan right now.

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