Tonight I'm feeling profoundly alone. I miss my children intensely. They miss me. I listen to them and their feelings. I know they are mourning the loss of their mom. One of them told me last night "I wish you didn't have to live at the apartment, mommy." I hear this type of thing often and it rips my heart right from my chest. It makes me sad and then I get mad - mad at their dad. Then I wrestle with my anger and realize that I do not want to live with anger any more and let it go.
Thankful it's the weekend and I pray that I am able to sleep and to truly rest. My body and soul both crave rest. God's rest and peace.
Today was stressful and I'm worried about some things that I can't talk about on here. It's hard to trust.
Today is a drop in the bucket of a lifetime of adventures. Some are good, some feel bad, but all are memorable. God has His hands on my life and on my heart. I believe that God can heal my heart. I pray for that God will work His work in me, whatever that might be. I'll be honest, there are some days and I think to myself that this God I serve does not make sense. But there's just something about this Jesus character that makes me drop it all, let it all hang out and follow Him. Following Him has led me here to this very spot and this very moment in time. My entire life is known by Him, he planned it - each and every day. Think about it people - God knows when a sparrow falls from the sky. Can you imagine how much He care for us?
Tonight although my world seems unknown and my future scary I keep following Jesus. Trusting Him with my heart and with my life. Be thou my vision O Lord.
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