Every day when I drive to work I listen to the Christian radio station. Usually it's just music and the morning show. At lunch today I went to the grocery store to buy dinner groceries for the family. Then I parked in a parking lot under a beautiful shade tree and listened to the radio, Bible teaching this time.
I had a horribly hectic day again; it's starting to become busy. I've got a zillion things in the fire so to speak. Then my boss hands me a several page report of jobs that need to have chargebacks on. So I will have to go through each one, determine who was liable for the damage and produce the documentation for it. I actually am LOVING what I'm doing and I'm good at it. I guess my boss is getting promoted which will be good for him. He'll still be over our department and still occupy the cubicle which backs to mine.
People try to move things along fast and tempt you to cut corners but I cannot. It would be easy to do; I want to give each job my all. I owe it to my employer and the company that I handle their jobs for.
Tonight my body physically battles within itself. I'm on an antibiotic and I can't hear very well. My body aches from the inside out, I can tell that I'm bordering on physical exhaustion. I'm going to need to have some extra sleep this week in order to make it through. I've learned to be easy with myself, to allow myself an extra hour of sleep if I need it. That wisdom has come to me the hard way - by being inside a body when I wasn't taking care of her.
I need to figure out how to be healthy. I haven't been healthy since my second year of college. I put on weight in college and at graduation I was about 40 pounds or more overweight. Now I'm a whole lot more overweight and it stresses me out because I'm afraid that I will die because I'm not healthy and then who would protect my children? I cannot leave them alone.
Today even though it was hectic I still felt "in control" and not stressed out. I've felt God's peace in a real, personal way. What a needed blessing. Like a good parent, God knows what I need before I even know. It's like that with me and my children.
Watching a show tonight with happy people who love each other equally. These people want to marry each other. I sit here and I wonder if there will ever be a future for me? Will I ever move past this hurt and after the divorce, be able to move towards other people? I long to have the closeness that a relationship provides: the talking, snuggling and laughter. I'm afraid that I'll never have that again and that scares me to death. I'm not prepared for my soon to be ex to move on and date. I'm sure that I'll have to deal with that soon enough. Soon being the key word. I just have a feeling....
Tonight I choose mental peace and some extra sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment