Worship with Tears

Another long day.  I got some good overtime today, maybe 1.5 hours at 1.5 times my normal rate.  That will help the tax man who I still owe!

Talked to my dad tonight, that always makes me happy.  Talks with him keep me going when I feel down. I'm so fortunate to have my dad (and mom).  As I get older they seem to mean more and more to me.  My dad has taught me how to be tough.  How to be gentle.  How to be well, me!

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has me right where He wants me.  There are days when I am happy about that and there are days when I am angry about where I am.  I'm just being honest.  This is NOT where I had myself pictured; in fact this is as far away from what I had planned.  I trust Him enough to just "be".

My heart struggles each day; I miss my children in a way that no one should have to deal with.  Somehow in the middle of this I've become a tough cookie!  Actually I have always been a tough cookie.  When you hear about all the wild things that God has brought me through, even I am amazed and I am the one who has been through this crazy journey.

I'm still absolutely worn out; I need to do basic things like clean house, do laundry, etc.  I'm just sooo tired at night.  Work is very stressful right now; I have to keep up, be one step better than the next guy.  It's hard.  There are days when my thoughts are only on my children and on my life outside of work.  The way I choose to look at my job is this: "do all things heartily as unto the Lord."  So I am in a job where I'm underpaid but I do it every day because I do it unto the Lord.

My worship on Sunday is often in tears.  I sit and listen in church and I sit and I cry.  God is clearly moving in my life.  I need to listen for him.  "Be still and know that I am God..." He says.  Be still.  Be still.