Trying times. This weekend about did me in. I went into it sick and had to go to several functions this weekend. I'm so tired. Tonight I dropped the children off at their dad's. I'm sitting here and I literally think that I could pass out I'm so tired from poor sleep, stress and being sick for three straight months in a row.
Work is stressful and sometimes I feel that I'm at wit's end. I miss the give and take of marriage; the long discussions about our future. Now I feel like my future is tenuous at best. I never worried about my future before when I was married because I knew my best friend had my back. Turns out that's not true.
I have been left with treasure though. Not hidden, just wonderful. Yes I am talking about my children. If you're reading this you know who they are. If you do not then you don't know me for to know me is to know my children as they are part of me in a unique and amazing way.
So thankful for the small moments with them. Giggling on my bed together with our feet in the air. Making up our own fun because we just like being with each other. They did allow me 30 whole minutes today to rest...while they watched a video then snuck in my room and were so cute I realized that I didn't need sleep as much as I needed to plug back in, exhausted and sick, to these children.
Gosh I love being a mom. It is one thing that I feel like I'm great at and suck at at the same time. Is that possible? Painfully aware of my inadequacies being a mom. Painfully aware of my failings as a mom. I'm also really aware that I'm doing a lot of really great things.
Tonight I am just having a moment to reflect as I do every night. I think the best course of action is sleep and lots of it.
goodnight all
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