I feel like my brain is made up of fried noodles. What little intelligence I had left me this morning and has not returned today. Today was the world's longest day or it seemed like it. You know those - everyone has them - they go on and on and you're usually working on some extremely stimulating and interesting work project (yeah right - does ANYONE ever get those) and then your noodles get fried.
I seriously am gonna go to bed and don't laugh - it's like 7:30. My dog's gonna be bummed because that means he'll be in his kennel for FOREVER. Poor baby. Better in there than defacing my house. He's fluffy but he is still a naughty toddler dog. No boundaries. YET. I will win. I will win. If it's the last thing that I do.
Got my giant order of bead earrings tonight and I'm too tired to even work on processing them. I was going to have them be $9.99/each or 2/$18. Now I'm thinking 2/$15. Dunno, maybe try the higher price and then see. I can always change signs as I am not individually pricing them. That would take WAY TOO MUCH TIME. I realized that I have no time. I had the kids for the three day weekend, took them to dad's, then picked them up and they will come here Thursday to spend the night. Then I will have about 3 hours to myself on Friday night to prep my earrings. Heck maybe I'll save them for Saturday. I could sit and unwrap them while no one watches. (complicated)
So seriously this is it, I'm turning in, my goose is cooked and my noodle's fried and I'm DONE for the day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Plus I'm starting to NOT feel good again and I'm done with this roller coaster. There are times like the last 3-4 months when I've really really hated having bipolar disorder. I do not bounce back from the ups and downs as easily as when I was younger. Now it takes longer, I'm under ten times the pressure and responsibilities.
I long for a day when my life was simpler. Less complex with less problems. I'm not sure what God's teaching me but I must be DUMB because apparently I'm not getting it. So here I go through the wringer again...or that is what I feel like. Reality: most of how I feel is related to bipolar disorder and how it effects my life and my choices and my family.
My new earrings are making my ears itch. Not a good sign. Maybe I'm one of those allergic to nickel and these are filled with nickel? Who knows? The joker knows.....ha ha ha ha ha.
Night all. I remain here for another day, whose purpose has yet to be revealed in me. This morning, in all seriousness, I felt a calling of sorts. I was praying to God over my lunch hour and listening to Christian radio. I realized that my calling is to be the "calm in the storm" to my two children. I may not be able to control the storms in their lives that relate to their dad and me but I can be their calm in the middle of those storms. Tonight that is going to be my new goal: to be my angel's "calm in the storm."
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