In the middle of the hurt and chaos I just had the most profound sense of God saying to me "I am with you." The tears streamed down my eyes because I was just in the kitchen feeling completely and utterly alone. Then this. I think God speaks to us in many ways: directly, through others, through music, writings, the Bible. Tonight God spoke to my heart and met my deepest need.
I'm physically feeling not like myself, I'll be okay but it's just a rough patch. I don't have anyone to help. I need help cleaning, organizing, etc. but there is just me. I hate being a single parent. I hate it and years later I still hate it. I was not designed to be alone.
Tonight I'm discouraged, angry, frustrated, not feeling good and alone. Utterly alone. But my God has promised to care for me and He is, it's just that sometimes I will admit that I don't always agree with the plan He has for me. I'm rebellious like that.
There is so much more I want to write but I also know that anything I say here is liable to wind up in some court hearing. So why bother? I'm fairly sure my ex has found this site which doesn't surprise me. That is what he does.
I am frustrated because I have no one and no where to voice my feelings to that is safe. Every person, every doctor and therapist can be subpeoned. So who do I really have, really? Can you tell I'm at my wit's end? I'm worn down, worn out, tired of playing this dumb game.
I am not sure how much more my body can take.
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