God's Perfect Timing for this Restless Soul

In this world of Facebook, My Space, Twitter and every other social media, I have never felt so isolated and alone yet I have more friends again now than I have had in almost twenty years. Sweet irony.

I sit here on my sofa, in the dark, watching tv while surfing on Facebook and writing on here. I spent most of the day working on my new business and decided to take some time to just relax - to enjoy the day of rest as God intended it.  It is hard to NOT be busy. Busy is good. Why is that? Well, for starters, I doubt that I'm the only one who feels like this but when you're busy, you don't have the time to think about what is really bothering you.

Which leads me to the next question. What exactly is it that is bothering me?  I'd like to say that I'm going to spill my guts on here but hey, this is the internet, it's public and I'm not saying. Perhaps it is that I don't know. Perhaps it is that I know and that I'm terrified to say. Perhaps I don't know and that is why my face broke out with hives this week from the stress. There are many options to choose from.

What I know is that my heart hurts. It still does and probably always will. It hurts for me. It hurts for my kids. It hurts for the loss of the hopes and dreams I had for my/our future.  My heart is worried. It worries when I should be trusting God. I worry about whether I'll have a job next week. I worry about being able to provide for my children. I'd like to say that after all these amazing years being a Believer that I don't struggle with worry but I do. It's tied into my anxiety and God knows I have issues with that.

I feel that I'm miraculously flawed but at the same time beautifully and wonderfully made. Perhaps I'm just a human this side of heaven. Living out her faith the best she knows how, trying to be a good example to her children. Trying to just make it. Survive. I'd love to thrive but I'll go with survive at this point! ha

So I sit, I sit and I wait until it's time for bed so tomorrow can get here earlier.  Tomorrow could begin the beginning of something good, a change for the better.  I can't go into it on here but if we're friends you know how to get a hold of me and we can talk.  Lets just say that I believe that God has been working me through His perfect plan in His perfect timing and that it is finally the time.