Packing it up, moving on up. Or over...or up the street. Actually downsizing....new apartment smaller than this one. Last count was 34 boxes. That is crazy. Hope the movers are strong and fast as they charge by the hour with a two hour minimum plus trip charge.
Gotta get up to get kids to school then head to WalMart for more boxes. I hope they have smaller ones. I like the ones I got there but they are huge. I need some smaller ones to just throw last minute things in.
I'm SO TIRED. Maxed out. Praying that God will renew my body tonight while I sleep. Tomorrow I get new place.....new keys.....very excited. Cable guy coming in the afternoon to install cable. Must remember to take TV and cable modem.
Going to go find the Alleve bottle and some cats. I'm TIRED. Worked hard all day packing, laundry, folding, throwing out trash, organizing, etc. I am so sick of moving. It's not even funny.
Now I lay me down to sleep....or in the next hour or so....going to see if I packed every book I own...
Until next time. I might be in new place on my next blog posting!!! Very excited.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Little Things I'm Thankful For
Tonight I am thankful for the little things. A productive day at work. A talk with a co-worker on a break. A wonderful home cooked meal. Good friends. A sense of normalcy is returning to my life again after being gone for so very long. Normal is good. Normal is very nice.
Today although I knew I was going to be stressed out I just decided that I was going to do my work heartily as unto the Lord. That my worship today was doing the best job I could with the tasks that I had in front of me.
Got to talk to the kids tonight. That was great. I miss them. Just one more day and I get them overnight. They will not be with me when I move this weekend but will instead be coming the following weekend. That is going to be great. I want some time to get some things unpacked and try to make things a little homey before they get there. After moving expenses I figure I'm pretty much broke for the rest of month. It will just be gas and food money. NOTHING else unless emergency.
So funny that two days ago I prayed about two issues in my life and I asked God for direction on both issues and He answered in spades! Now I have to step out in faith on one of them and trust that I am following God. The second one God just provided for me in a tangible way and it was great and neat.
Tonight I'm thankful for furry kitties who love to hang out with me. Yeah yeah I know not everyone likes cats but they have been SO GOOD for my heart. To not be here alone was so nice. They were good for the kids too. Are good for the kids.
Tonight I am thankful for friends, from long ago who have come back into my life after we both lived some of life. Nice to be friends again.
Thankful to have a warm bed and home to sleep in. Thankful to have a job in this economy. Thankful to have health insurance. Thankful for my children. Thankful to God for giving me all these things.
Yep, I had another happy day. I like that I'm having more happy days than non-happy days. This is a good trend I have going! Thank you, God, for blessing me richly.
Today although I knew I was going to be stressed out I just decided that I was going to do my work heartily as unto the Lord. That my worship today was doing the best job I could with the tasks that I had in front of me.
Got to talk to the kids tonight. That was great. I miss them. Just one more day and I get them overnight. They will not be with me when I move this weekend but will instead be coming the following weekend. That is going to be great. I want some time to get some things unpacked and try to make things a little homey before they get there. After moving expenses I figure I'm pretty much broke for the rest of month. It will just be gas and food money. NOTHING else unless emergency.
So funny that two days ago I prayed about two issues in my life and I asked God for direction on both issues and He answered in spades! Now I have to step out in faith on one of them and trust that I am following God. The second one God just provided for me in a tangible way and it was great and neat.
Tonight I'm thankful for furry kitties who love to hang out with me. Yeah yeah I know not everyone likes cats but they have been SO GOOD for my heart. To not be here alone was so nice. They were good for the kids too. Are good for the kids.
Tonight I am thankful for friends, from long ago who have come back into my life after we both lived some of life. Nice to be friends again.
Thankful to have a warm bed and home to sleep in. Thankful to have a job in this economy. Thankful to have health insurance. Thankful for my children. Thankful to God for giving me all these things.
Yep, I had another happy day. I like that I'm having more happy days than non-happy days. This is a good trend I have going! Thank you, God, for blessing me richly.
Monday, October 18, 2010
A Day Redeemed
Today I had the hardest day; I started out feeling defeated at work and personally. Just struggling with doubting decisions I've made and choices. Struggling with my inability to achieve what I need to at work. Knowing that the stress going on in personal life is what is keeping my focus off of work and I'm off my game. I broke down on my lunch hour and just cried and cried. Worried over the what ifs.
This afternoon was a little better. I felt better after getting back from lunch. Nothing like Chinese vegetable fried rice to sooth a girl's frustrations. (during her work day anyway!). I actually got some things done this afternoon.
We are in the busy time at work.
I am so swamped here at home but took time to have some fun tonight too and it was just good ole fun. The laugh your socks off kind. It was what my heart needed: a good laugh with a friend. Now I'm home, trying to unwind. Glad to be back here. Going to be even more glad to leave here this weekend. Need to figure out what is smelling weird here. Ever since I turned on heat it stinks in here. Hopefully I can get it figured out or it will go away when I steam clean the carpets.
I'm calling it a night. This evening redeemed my day. Laughter renewed my soul. Friendship renewed my heart. I am at peace once again. ahhhh
Until next time.....I remain......
This afternoon was a little better. I felt better after getting back from lunch. Nothing like Chinese vegetable fried rice to sooth a girl's frustrations. (during her work day anyway!). I actually got some things done this afternoon.
We are in the busy time at work.
I am so swamped here at home but took time to have some fun tonight too and it was just good ole fun. The laugh your socks off kind. It was what my heart needed: a good laugh with a friend. Now I'm home, trying to unwind. Glad to be back here. Going to be even more glad to leave here this weekend. Need to figure out what is smelling weird here. Ever since I turned on heat it stinks in here. Hopefully I can get it figured out or it will go away when I steam clean the carpets.
I'm calling it a night. This evening redeemed my day. Laughter renewed my soul. Friendship renewed my heart. I am at peace once again. ahhhh
Until next time.....I remain......
Sunday, October 17, 2010
So tired.
I'm so tired. Sooo sooo sooooo tired. I hope that I can get a good night's sleep tonight and this week. This is going to be a long couple of weeks that I'm heading into and I need God's strength to get me through it because I know that I will not make it on my own.
Today I had to make a decision based on what was best for kids, even if not what I wanted to do. I swallowed my pride and ask for help from their dad and he stepped up. It was nice. I cannot worry if this will someday be spun into why I'm unfit or this or that. Today I just got help and it was nice.
I packed another box or so today. I'm hoping to basically get my bedroom packed maybe tomorrow night....and just put what clothes I'm keeping out in my lowly suitcase. I'm probably getting more boxes from multiple sources tomorrow.
Fairly sure my cat has laid in the same spot for going on 4 hours. It's classic.
I am just WORN OUT. Physically and mentally. This was a great week and I'm just tired. Realized the B12 shot they gave me is 1/3 of what I take on a DAILY BASIS and they think it will last two weeks. I might abandon the shot thing and go back to the supplements although expensive. They charged me a co-pay for a nurse's only appointment, didn't even see the doctor. That did not make me happy. And so if I go in two weeks, that's $60 which is the same amount a bottle of supplements cost and they last over a month, maybe two. I haven't felt good since I quit taking those supplements....they are a megavitamin my neurologist recommended.
Tonight I am done. No more packing, no more tape. Just relaxing. This would be the kind of night it would be great to light a fire and watch a movie with a special someone. Now I just need a special someone. Course doubt I'll get many takers on my 19" tv I'm borrowing from my brother. ha. Life was meant to be shared with others, that's all I'm saying. I think that one of the things I miss the most is just being held in someone's arms, whether a hug or otherwise. Just that wonderfully safe feeling when someone's arms are wrapped around you and the worries of the world seem to melt away. I haven't had that in probably six years. That's gonna change.
I want to have people in my "home" again, even if it is a little tiny apartment with two cats. I'll lock up the cats if they bother people. I want to make dinner, hang out, sit on the sofa and talk until we're too tired then say goodnight and go our separate ways. I want to play games, hear people's stories, watch movies, invite other people's kids over for my kids. That stuff.
One day at a time. One moment at a time. One breath at a time. and so on and so forth. God will grant the grace and peace. I just need to ask.
Night all
Today I had to make a decision based on what was best for kids, even if not what I wanted to do. I swallowed my pride and ask for help from their dad and he stepped up. It was nice. I cannot worry if this will someday be spun into why I'm unfit or this or that. Today I just got help and it was nice.
I packed another box or so today. I'm hoping to basically get my bedroom packed maybe tomorrow night....and just put what clothes I'm keeping out in my lowly suitcase. I'm probably getting more boxes from multiple sources tomorrow.
Fairly sure my cat has laid in the same spot for going on 4 hours. It's classic.
I am just WORN OUT. Physically and mentally. This was a great week and I'm just tired. Realized the B12 shot they gave me is 1/3 of what I take on a DAILY BASIS and they think it will last two weeks. I might abandon the shot thing and go back to the supplements although expensive. They charged me a co-pay for a nurse's only appointment, didn't even see the doctor. That did not make me happy. And so if I go in two weeks, that's $60 which is the same amount a bottle of supplements cost and they last over a month, maybe two. I haven't felt good since I quit taking those supplements....they are a megavitamin my neurologist recommended.
Tonight I am done. No more packing, no more tape. Just relaxing. This would be the kind of night it would be great to light a fire and watch a movie with a special someone. Now I just need a special someone. Course doubt I'll get many takers on my 19" tv I'm borrowing from my brother. ha. Life was meant to be shared with others, that's all I'm saying. I think that one of the things I miss the most is just being held in someone's arms, whether a hug or otherwise. Just that wonderfully safe feeling when someone's arms are wrapped around you and the worries of the world seem to melt away. I haven't had that in probably six years. That's gonna change.
I want to have people in my "home" again, even if it is a little tiny apartment with two cats. I'll lock up the cats if they bother people. I want to make dinner, hang out, sit on the sofa and talk until we're too tired then say goodnight and go our separate ways. I want to play games, hear people's stories, watch movies, invite other people's kids over for my kids. That stuff.
One day at a time. One moment at a time. One breath at a time. and so on and so forth. God will grant the grace and peace. I just need to ask.
Night all
Friday, October 15, 2010
Grace Falling
Big day. Worn out. God's good. Grace fell from Heaven then landed on me then was sprinkled by joy. God is truly good and is worthy of praise. Worthy of MY praise. To Him be all the glory.
Seriously can't wait to sit at the throne and sing holy holy holy is the Lord.
Until that day
I wait. Feet on earth while mind in heaven.
Seriously can't wait to sit at the throne and sing holy holy holy is the Lord.
Until that day
I wait. Feet on earth while mind in heaven.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Heart's Desires
Day two of happiness. I almost said day two of normality. It was just a nice, plain, normal day. I took on too many projects as I am known for and unfortunately didn't get as much done as I would have liked but I did process a couple of things.
It seemed to be a very long day. You have those? The kind where you seem to be watching the clock a lot? Then, this afternoon the lady who works about 10 feet from me and talks literally non-stop all day, decided at 4:15 that her chair mat had mold on it. Then she gets the broom and starts sweeping all over. So then by the time she started on the black mold I told her to be careful; that she ought to wear a mask; that mold can be very dangerous when inhaled, she's like "I smoked for twenty years!" I mumbled and then my eyes and nose started to freak out. I walked past them quickly waving my hand in front of face. I am EXTREMELY allergic to mold and dust and the lady had stirred up both. I literally went upstairs to my friend's cubicle and sat there and talked for 20 minutes. Then as I was waiting to clock out the same lady (who had to clean) came by and apologized. I'm like, I was honestly concerned for your health but yes, I am very allergic and cannot be around it AT ALL. The word dingbat wants to pop out but then I sound like a horrid girl for saying that. She is what I would call the stereotypical blonde: talks a lot and is dingy. 'nuff said.
I went home and we had pancakes tonight for dinner, I think the only real food in the house the kids would eat. We need to go to the grocery store tomorrow night. I hope they are not exhausted. They get tomorrow off for some reason. So liable to come to my house very tired. I need their help this weekend to pack. The oldest tonight was feeling sentimental after packing for ten minutes I had him/her laying in my lap, with big tears eecking out of tiny eyes. I told him/her that I thought maybe he/she was feeling a little overwhelmed with the idea of moving, maybe a little scared, unsure, going to miss this place and the tears burst out at that point. Well if there is one thing I can say about myself I know my kids and the way they process their emotions.
I fear that I have something stinky in my fridge. I am going to purge it tomorrow night or in the morning as it is NOT good!
I am having a lonely night. As I near moving again I am reminded that it is alone. Although I will have tiny visitors, I will still be alone. I'm tired of being alone. Very tired of it. I'm tired of eating alone, I'm tired of watching tv alone, I'm tired of going to movies alone, I'm tired of cooking alone, I'm tired of going to the grocery store alone, I am tired of sleeping alone. There I've said it all. I have now admitted to the public at large how very pathetic I sound tonight. Or how very human.
I am excited about moving though. Something exciting about starting my life over. That is really what it is and what it feels like. I am moving, getting divorced and changing from the inside out. I need God's help for both my insides and outsides. I have been eating a ton better than I used to but still I am the same weight. My body does not lose weight. It is very frustrating.
This morning I got a vitamin B12 shot as I am deficient in that vitamin; my body doesn't process it like everyone else's. So we'll see how long the shot works for. They didn't give me very much and I'm supposed to go back in two weeks for another shot and maybe a test. They told me that it wasn't a co-pay and it was. That made me mad. The whole point of doing this was so that insurance would cover it. If I do it monthly it is cheaper but by the time I add in a multi-vitamin back onto that I was paying what I was paying to take it orally. Win some, lose some I guess. The good news is that they are going to monitor my B12 levels a lot more often. I have a sneaking suspicion that my B12 levels and my vitamin D levels were related to a lot of my depression. The kind that wasn't situational.
Is it wrong to want to be a stay at home mom again? Even if I only have kids part-time? I want to be a full time wife and mom. That would be SO NICE. I enjoy doing things at work but do not feel this inward drive to achieve and have a career or get recognition in that way. For me, serving my family is the best. If I had it to do over again, this time I would: have lunch with kids once a week at their school as long as they let me, I would be more organized, take my family's health a little more seriously. I want to give my heart to someone again. That sounds nice. Maybe a little silly but I think nice. I want to trust someone and have them trust me, every day, for the rest of my life. I want to grow old with him, I want to be a grandma someday. Have lots of little grandkids running about house and yard. I want to garden again. I want to be in love, truly and deeply in love with someone again. That is my prayer to the Lord. It was a while back and will continue to be so. Ultimately I want to do what God wants me to do, those are just my heart's desires. Now I will wait to see how God leads me and what He asks of me.
I want to remember what it was like to be so crazy in love that you sit around thinking of nice things to do for the other person just because you love them. Whether it is something you could do for them, cook for them, do around the house or elsewhere. I want to be crazy in love and have my children get to see it. My children do not remember when we were happy. They just remember the last few years and that's sad. I want my kids to see me happy and loving someone again. I want to show them that I do believe in marriage, disagree with divorce but didn't have choice. I want to show them what a Christian mom looks like....I mean, they see that now, but I want them to see me married. I think it would be good for them. I know it would be good for them. I do not want a third generation of their family to experience divorce. (perhaps I shall start praying for THEIR future and their future spouses and marriages).
Tonight I'm happy and lonely at the same time. I could get used to this happiness thing. This is more like joy - this is being experienced while under great stress and very hard times.....happiness is relative to a situation.
Lord, please bring me someone who will lead me. Someone I want to follow. Someone whose faith is strong and whose heart is sure. Bring me someone who will take the lead in the relationship, inspire me to follow him together as we serve the Lord. Bring me someone who I love talking to, love spending time with and generally just love hanging out with. Bring me someone who can deal with my ups and downs lovingly while being patient. Bring me someone who loves you Lord. More than anyone or anything in his life. Bring me someone who is a leader in whatever he does. Bring me someone who needs me and who I need too. Bring me someone who makes me laugh. Bring me someone who makes my heart beat a little faster. Bring me someone who is giving and loving and caring. Lord, bring me someone who will love my children even though it will be an adjustment for all. Work in his heart now Lord on this issue because the kids and I are a package deal! Lord, I do not want Mr. Wonderful; I want the person YOU want me to be with. Lord, please reveal this person to me in a clear way. Make it so obvious that I have to see your hand in it.
Lord I give you these things tonight. Thank you for giving me Your joy today. Thank you for giving me two great days in a row; please help me continue to give you the glory for what is going on in my life. Give me patience this weekend as I pack. Give me wisdom and strength and courage and all the things I'll need this weekend with the kids.
I give myself to you, Lord. Use me.
It seemed to be a very long day. You have those? The kind where you seem to be watching the clock a lot? Then, this afternoon the lady who works about 10 feet from me and talks literally non-stop all day, decided at 4:15 that her chair mat had mold on it. Then she gets the broom and starts sweeping all over. So then by the time she started on the black mold I told her to be careful; that she ought to wear a mask; that mold can be very dangerous when inhaled, she's like "I smoked for twenty years!" I mumbled and then my eyes and nose started to freak out. I walked past them quickly waving my hand in front of face. I am EXTREMELY allergic to mold and dust and the lady had stirred up both. I literally went upstairs to my friend's cubicle and sat there and talked for 20 minutes. Then as I was waiting to clock out the same lady (who had to clean) came by and apologized. I'm like, I was honestly concerned for your health but yes, I am very allergic and cannot be around it AT ALL. The word dingbat wants to pop out but then I sound like a horrid girl for saying that. She is what I would call the stereotypical blonde: talks a lot and is dingy. 'nuff said.
I went home and we had pancakes tonight for dinner, I think the only real food in the house the kids would eat. We need to go to the grocery store tomorrow night. I hope they are not exhausted. They get tomorrow off for some reason. So liable to come to my house very tired. I need their help this weekend to pack. The oldest tonight was feeling sentimental after packing for ten minutes I had him/her laying in my lap, with big tears eecking out of tiny eyes. I told him/her that I thought maybe he/she was feeling a little overwhelmed with the idea of moving, maybe a little scared, unsure, going to miss this place and the tears burst out at that point. Well if there is one thing I can say about myself I know my kids and the way they process their emotions.
I fear that I have something stinky in my fridge. I am going to purge it tomorrow night or in the morning as it is NOT good!
I am having a lonely night. As I near moving again I am reminded that it is alone. Although I will have tiny visitors, I will still be alone. I'm tired of being alone. Very tired of it. I'm tired of eating alone, I'm tired of watching tv alone, I'm tired of going to movies alone, I'm tired of cooking alone, I'm tired of going to the grocery store alone, I am tired of sleeping alone. There I've said it all. I have now admitted to the public at large how very pathetic I sound tonight. Or how very human.
I am excited about moving though. Something exciting about starting my life over. That is really what it is and what it feels like. I am moving, getting divorced and changing from the inside out. I need God's help for both my insides and outsides. I have been eating a ton better than I used to but still I am the same weight. My body does not lose weight. It is very frustrating.
This morning I got a vitamin B12 shot as I am deficient in that vitamin; my body doesn't process it like everyone else's. So we'll see how long the shot works for. They didn't give me very much and I'm supposed to go back in two weeks for another shot and maybe a test. They told me that it wasn't a co-pay and it was. That made me mad. The whole point of doing this was so that insurance would cover it. If I do it monthly it is cheaper but by the time I add in a multi-vitamin back onto that I was paying what I was paying to take it orally. Win some, lose some I guess. The good news is that they are going to monitor my B12 levels a lot more often. I have a sneaking suspicion that my B12 levels and my vitamin D levels were related to a lot of my depression. The kind that wasn't situational.
Is it wrong to want to be a stay at home mom again? Even if I only have kids part-time? I want to be a full time wife and mom. That would be SO NICE. I enjoy doing things at work but do not feel this inward drive to achieve and have a career or get recognition in that way. For me, serving my family is the best. If I had it to do over again, this time I would: have lunch with kids once a week at their school as long as they let me, I would be more organized, take my family's health a little more seriously. I want to give my heart to someone again. That sounds nice. Maybe a little silly but I think nice. I want to trust someone and have them trust me, every day, for the rest of my life. I want to grow old with him, I want to be a grandma someday. Have lots of little grandkids running about house and yard. I want to garden again. I want to be in love, truly and deeply in love with someone again. That is my prayer to the Lord. It was a while back and will continue to be so. Ultimately I want to do what God wants me to do, those are just my heart's desires. Now I will wait to see how God leads me and what He asks of me.
I want to remember what it was like to be so crazy in love that you sit around thinking of nice things to do for the other person just because you love them. Whether it is something you could do for them, cook for them, do around the house or elsewhere. I want to be crazy in love and have my children get to see it. My children do not remember when we were happy. They just remember the last few years and that's sad. I want my kids to see me happy and loving someone again. I want to show them that I do believe in marriage, disagree with divorce but didn't have choice. I want to show them what a Christian mom looks like....I mean, they see that now, but I want them to see me married. I think it would be good for them. I know it would be good for them. I do not want a third generation of their family to experience divorce. (perhaps I shall start praying for THEIR future and their future spouses and marriages).
Tonight I'm happy and lonely at the same time. I could get used to this happiness thing. This is more like joy - this is being experienced while under great stress and very hard times.....happiness is relative to a situation.
Lord, please bring me someone who will lead me. Someone I want to follow. Someone whose faith is strong and whose heart is sure. Bring me someone who will take the lead in the relationship, inspire me to follow him together as we serve the Lord. Bring me someone who I love talking to, love spending time with and generally just love hanging out with. Bring me someone who can deal with my ups and downs lovingly while being patient. Bring me someone who loves you Lord. More than anyone or anything in his life. Bring me someone who is a leader in whatever he does. Bring me someone who needs me and who I need too. Bring me someone who makes me laugh. Bring me someone who makes my heart beat a little faster. Bring me someone who is giving and loving and caring. Lord, bring me someone who will love my children even though it will be an adjustment for all. Work in his heart now Lord on this issue because the kids and I are a package deal! Lord, I do not want Mr. Wonderful; I want the person YOU want me to be with. Lord, please reveal this person to me in a clear way. Make it so obvious that I have to see your hand in it.
Lord I give you these things tonight. Thank you for giving me Your joy today. Thank you for giving me two great days in a row; please help me continue to give you the glory for what is going on in my life. Give me patience this weekend as I pack. Give me wisdom and strength and courage and all the things I'll need this weekend with the kids.
I give myself to you, Lord. Use me.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Thankful for the Little Things
Today I was happy ALL DAY. I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt happy for a whole day. The last years have been filled with hurt, resentment, and more.
Today I started my day with a nice note from a friend which made me smile right out of the gait! So thankful to have good friends. Friends with faith who tell me the truth even when it is probably hard for them to say and sometimes hard for me to hear. Isn't that the way God set up friendships? After all, in the Bible it does say "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." I think we owe it to our good friends to speak the truth in love.
Then although my day was super busy, I opened three new claims, closed one or two and worked like 30 of them. I'm juggling about 50-60 claims and I literally get emails and photos faster than I can process them. It's frustrating at times. I just view it as a challenge - keep up or get out of the way!!
Lunch at new place. Mine was okay but friends was better. Might try that next time.
I cannot believe that I'm MOVING in a week. I'm really quite excited about it. I feel like I've gotten a second chance at life in so many ways, and a move and new apartment is just one of them. I plan to make this place more homey. I need to, not for me because I really don't care a lot about "stuff" but for my kids who need me to create a homelike home in this apartment. I'm going to have to break down and probably buy curtains and all that good stuff. Weird.
Tonight I had a doctor's appointment, my every three month visit. Doctor cut one of my meds in half. Just another DECREASE in meds since I've been on my own. I'm now on less than half of what I was on when I had to move here. This is good. Making progress.
Tonight I just enjoyed this wonderful feeling of peace and contentment. I uploaded a ton of photos to Facebook which took a while....since I don't have a graphics card in my phone I had to email them to myself then put them in iPhoto then upload to FB. Worth it because with each photo I got to see my little people and they made me smile. I don't get to talk to them on Wednesday because they go to church with their dad. I still call every Wednesday to tell him to tell them that I called and that I love them. I doubt the messages go through but I do tell them that I call.
Tomorrow I have to get a shot of B12 in the morning, then I might drop by my dad's office to pick up some boxes and then head to work. I'm not sure how in the world I'm going to take two days off of work next week to prepare for move. I will probably get about 300 emails in the two days. I hope this shot will help me feel better. Basically my body doesn't absorb B12 from food and drink, so I used to take supplements but were super expensive so talked to doctor about a shot (which insurance would cover) and she agreed. So tomorrow is my first shot. I'm hopeful. Other doc needs me to get blood tests on all my levels of my medicines to make sure they are at the right amount.
Honestly I cannot put in words how nice it was to feel good for the whole day: no major aches and pains, no headaches, no tension, just ..... peace......and happiness.....and taquitos! :-)
This journey started two Sundays ago when the kid's pastor at my church talked about forgiveness. One thing he said that seared into my memory is "forgiveness is the only way to make the pain stop." I seriously have thought of that statement every single day since then because I knew that I was going to have to forgive my spouse and give him back to God. So I did. In the process I was given this wonderful day, a gem, a gift from God, shared with friends.
Almost bedtime, productive day and I am sitting here, typing, SMILING. What's up with that? Seriously I used to wonder if I would ever smile again, I had gotten caught up in the pain and could not shake loose. Thank you to the one who encouraged me to do what I did. Thank you for speaking truth to me when it was probably hard for me to hear. You blessed me by encouraging me to follow God. (don't really think anyone reads this blog but a couple of girlfriends but hey, it's my tribute).
I've been given this amazing chance at life. I get a second chance. God has set me free! I am free to be who He wants me to be, who I was created to be. I am free to be open to people, new friends and relationships and just be open to whatever God's got planned. I have a sense of what He has planned but am not sure so I pray. I ask Him for wisdom to know what to do.
Tonight I give praise to God, who set the captives free. I give praise to Jesus, who, while hanging on a cross extended forgiveness to the thief next to him and said "today you will be with me in paradise." Has it sunk in what an amazing God we serve? Blows my mind and makes me humble at the same time. He gives and He takes away. We don't always understand but I love Him and trust Him enough to step out, in faith, into the unknown. Unknown to me, but God has each one of my days planned and lined out. He knows how many hairs are on my head, when I will do this and that, and when I will go to be with Him. So who am I to worry? He's got it all covered!
God, thank you for this day, for good and nice friends, and for my family. Watch over my children until I can be with them again. Guard over them while they sleep.
Until next time I remain YOURS Lord.
Today I started my day with a nice note from a friend which made me smile right out of the gait! So thankful to have good friends. Friends with faith who tell me the truth even when it is probably hard for them to say and sometimes hard for me to hear. Isn't that the way God set up friendships? After all, in the Bible it does say "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." I think we owe it to our good friends to speak the truth in love.
Then although my day was super busy, I opened three new claims, closed one or two and worked like 30 of them. I'm juggling about 50-60 claims and I literally get emails and photos faster than I can process them. It's frustrating at times. I just view it as a challenge - keep up or get out of the way!!
Lunch at new place. Mine was okay but friends was better. Might try that next time.
I cannot believe that I'm MOVING in a week. I'm really quite excited about it. I feel like I've gotten a second chance at life in so many ways, and a move and new apartment is just one of them. I plan to make this place more homey. I need to, not for me because I really don't care a lot about "stuff" but for my kids who need me to create a homelike home in this apartment. I'm going to have to break down and probably buy curtains and all that good stuff. Weird.
Tonight I had a doctor's appointment, my every three month visit. Doctor cut one of my meds in half. Just another DECREASE in meds since I've been on my own. I'm now on less than half of what I was on when I had to move here. This is good. Making progress.
Tonight I just enjoyed this wonderful feeling of peace and contentment. I uploaded a ton of photos to Facebook which took a while....since I don't have a graphics card in my phone I had to email them to myself then put them in iPhoto then upload to FB. Worth it because with each photo I got to see my little people and they made me smile. I don't get to talk to them on Wednesday because they go to church with their dad. I still call every Wednesday to tell him to tell them that I called and that I love them. I doubt the messages go through but I do tell them that I call.
Tomorrow I have to get a shot of B12 in the morning, then I might drop by my dad's office to pick up some boxes and then head to work. I'm not sure how in the world I'm going to take two days off of work next week to prepare for move. I will probably get about 300 emails in the two days. I hope this shot will help me feel better. Basically my body doesn't absorb B12 from food and drink, so I used to take supplements but were super expensive so talked to doctor about a shot (which insurance would cover) and she agreed. So tomorrow is my first shot. I'm hopeful. Other doc needs me to get blood tests on all my levels of my medicines to make sure they are at the right amount.
Honestly I cannot put in words how nice it was to feel good for the whole day: no major aches and pains, no headaches, no tension, just ..... peace......and happiness.....and taquitos! :-)
This journey started two Sundays ago when the kid's pastor at my church talked about forgiveness. One thing he said that seared into my memory is "forgiveness is the only way to make the pain stop." I seriously have thought of that statement every single day since then because I knew that I was going to have to forgive my spouse and give him back to God. So I did. In the process I was given this wonderful day, a gem, a gift from God, shared with friends.
Almost bedtime, productive day and I am sitting here, typing, SMILING. What's up with that? Seriously I used to wonder if I would ever smile again, I had gotten caught up in the pain and could not shake loose. Thank you to the one who encouraged me to do what I did. Thank you for speaking truth to me when it was probably hard for me to hear. You blessed me by encouraging me to follow God. (don't really think anyone reads this blog but a couple of girlfriends but hey, it's my tribute).
I've been given this amazing chance at life. I get a second chance. God has set me free! I am free to be who He wants me to be, who I was created to be. I am free to be open to people, new friends and relationships and just be open to whatever God's got planned. I have a sense of what He has planned but am not sure so I pray. I ask Him for wisdom to know what to do.
Tonight I give praise to God, who set the captives free. I give praise to Jesus, who, while hanging on a cross extended forgiveness to the thief next to him and said "today you will be with me in paradise." Has it sunk in what an amazing God we serve? Blows my mind and makes me humble at the same time. He gives and He takes away. We don't always understand but I love Him and trust Him enough to step out, in faith, into the unknown. Unknown to me, but God has each one of my days planned and lined out. He knows how many hairs are on my head, when I will do this and that, and when I will go to be with Him. So who am I to worry? He's got it all covered!
God, thank you for this day, for good and nice friends, and for my family. Watch over my children until I can be with them again. Guard over them while they sleep.
Until next time I remain YOURS Lord.
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