So tired.

I'm so tired.  Sooo sooo sooooo tired.  I hope that I can get a good night's sleep tonight and this week.  This is going to be a long couple of weeks that I'm heading into and I need God's strength to get me through it because I know that I will not make it on my own.

Today I had to make a decision based on what was best for kids, even if not what I wanted to do.  I swallowed my pride and ask for help from their dad and he stepped up.  It was nice.  I cannot worry if this will someday be spun into why I'm unfit or this or that.  Today I just got help and it was nice.

I packed another box or so today.  I'm hoping to basically get my bedroom packed maybe tomorrow night....and just put what clothes I'm keeping out in my lowly suitcase.  I'm probably getting more boxes from multiple sources tomorrow.

Fairly sure my cat has laid in the same spot for going on 4 hours.  It's classic.

I am just WORN OUT.  Physically and mentally.  This was a great week and I'm just tired.  Realized the B12 shot they gave me is 1/3 of what I take on a DAILY BASIS and they think it will last two weeks.  I might abandon the shot thing and go back to the supplements although expensive.  They charged me a co-pay for a nurse's only appointment, didn't even see the doctor.  That did not make me happy.  And so if I go in two weeks, that's $60 which is the same amount a bottle of supplements cost and they last over a month, maybe two.  I haven't felt good since I quit taking those supplements....they are a megavitamin my neurologist recommended.

Tonight I am done.  No more packing, no more tape.  Just relaxing.   This would be the kind of night it would be great to light a fire and watch a movie with a special someone.  Now I just need a special someone.  Course doubt I'll get many takers on my 19" tv I'm borrowing from my brother.  ha.  Life was meant to be shared with others, that's all I'm saying.  I think that one of the things I miss the most is just being held in someone's arms, whether a hug or otherwise.  Just that wonderfully safe feeling when someone's arms are wrapped around you and the worries of the world seem to melt away.  I haven't had that in probably six years.  That's gonna change.

I want to have people in my "home" again, even if it is a little tiny apartment with two cats.  I'll lock up the cats if they bother people.  I want to make dinner, hang out, sit on the sofa and talk until we're too tired then say goodnight and go our separate ways.  I want to play games, hear people's stories, watch movies, invite other people's kids over for my kids.  That stuff.

One day at a time.  One moment at a time.  One breath at a time.  and so on and so forth.  God will grant the grace and peace.  I just need to ask.

Night all