Does admitting you're lonely make you pathetic? Because if that's the case I'm pathetic and also have other friends who are too. There is this social stigma against ever admitting it, at least that is how I feel sometimes. I often try to give off this air of strength when inside I feel like a 12 year old who is lost.
So yeah, today I am openly and fully admitting to this blog and it's one or two readers that I am lonely. I miss well, life. I got a taste of life lately and it was nice. It was very nice. I began to remember just who I was and what I had to offer. Remember who I was was probably the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time and it took hanging out with an old friend to remember WHO I really am.
But it's a Saturday, I'm sick, laying in bed most of the day, watching shows on the internet, waiting for the antibiotics to fix me up again so I can continue living life. Nothing like pajamas and tv and lots to drink when I'm sick. It sucks being sick when you have no one to help take care of you. My dad obigatoryly offered to bring me something, help me out. I DON'T WANT MY DAD TO HELP ME. I want someone my own age, preferably that I am involved with or married to someday to help me. I want to be IN a family again.
I love watching what my cats do when no one is looking. You'll never guess: cat nap! like 23 hours a day. That's the life I tell you! Hmmmm which chair shall I nap on now.....maybe I'll sneak onto my owner's bed and hang out among the pile of clean laundry at the other end of it!
Man I need a makeover. From the inside out. God's working on the inside part. Now it's my turn to start working on the outside.
Overall I am doing good. I have the most hectic couple of weeks and then I will be in my new place and hopefully divorced. I am ready for it to be over. For me to START OVER with someone special, someone nice. Who am I kidding? Who is ever going to want to take on a single mom with a list of issues a mile long and two kids? You know how I'll know? Because God will bring him to me. That is how I'll know. The kids won't scare him off nor will I. I will tell him my deepest darkest secrets and he won't run away but instead be drawn closer.
I'll just know.
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