Big Day, Good Feeling

Long day.  Early morning until late at night.  Working.  Came home to a loving kitty cat who misses me when I work so long.  Too tired to do much, did some dishes, ran the dishwasher, etc.

Felt like I could conquer the world today.  I work hard every day in a job that's high-stress or at least fast paced.  It was such a feeling of accomplishment to work hard, to earn my money so that I can care for my children.

Yesterday was so incredibly stressful there are hardly any words to describe it.  God granted me the wisdom to keep my cool for the most part and state my position.  So hard.  I miss the man I used to be married to.  I mourn the loss of what we had.  I am sad for the life we are not going to have together.  I am sad at the brokenness of our little family.  As a friend of mine said to me, "everyone loses in divorce" and he's so right.  

I feel good on one hand and so incredibly sad on the other.  I'm not sure how I can ever wrap my head around the fact that I was once loved and cherished and over time I stop being loved.  What a deep blow to the heart.  Not sure my heart will ever recover from that.  

I feel numb.  I alternate between being sad, happy then numb.   God gives me the strength I need to face what is in front of me for the day.  I take it one day at a time.  Sometimes, one hour, one minute at a time.  

Must rest, so weary but am good overall.