Letting Go, Angels and the Great Architect Redraws my dreams

I'm letting go of the life I planned for me. and my dreams.  I'm losing control of my destiny. This is a giant leap of faith. Feeling the unknown. Beyond my comfort zone.  (song)

I love that song.  It so fits my life at this point.  I'm having to let go of the dreams I had for my life, my marriage and my family.  I'm allowing the master architect design new plans for me and my girls.  I have hope that there is hope.  

Music pulls me into it tonight, sitting here, alone, sad and baffled.  Baffled that someone who once loved me would continually hurt me over and over again.  Trying to wrap my head around that.  Remembering that I'm never really alone.  The Bible says that God puts angels around us.  I'm not one of those weird angel freaks but I do believe that God protects me through his angels.  I pray every night for my girls and I like to believe that God's got two angels parked over at the house sitting at the end of each girls' bed now as she sleeps.

Tonight I was beginning to feel hope for my future.  The "new normal."  I know that I am no longer the woman I once was.  God has created a new heart in me, one that is passionate about living.  One that is passionate for her family and for her friends and children.  It's very odd to try to describe what it feels like to be changed so radically from the inside out.  

Sometimes at night I wonder if God doesn't have something big for me.  Last night I was thinking that I'd like to write a book or be a speaker.  I'd like to speak to women who are struggling with depression, divorce and life struggles.  I want to be of service to others who are hurting like I hurt.  I wonder if God will do anything with that dream.  

I've got a trail to blaze.  My own.  There are so many things I'd like to do with my life.  I wonder if any of them will come to pass.  Mostly I just dream of being a good mom.  I AM a good mom.  I dream of having my children, buying a home someday and growing old.  At the end of my life slipping from this life to the next Great Adventure.

Writing has become my voice.  A voice that I don't feel like I've had for quite a while.  What I really want is to be God's voice to my children and the world.  "This is a life like no other.  This is the great adventure." - Steven Curtis Chapman