Today was an extremely productive day. I conquered a project that I didn't think that I could and it felt great to do it ON MY OWN. There is such immense pride in doing something on your own and feeling that sense of accomplishment afterwards. Not in a prideful way, but in a good kind of way. This sense of accomplishment means to me, personally, that I have come so far in this journey of mine. From woman without any self esteem that was good to a woman who truly believes that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Oh what a journey I have begun. I have not ended it and will not until the last breath I breathe and I am in my Savior's arms. Worshipping at the throne of my God, His son my Redeemer. I'm in no hurry to get there, mind you, but there are days when I am intensely aware that my heart is already in Heaven and my body is just here taking up space. Does that sound odd? I fear my words do not convey what I truly feel.
Grateful. That is what I feel. I feel like I have a second chance at life and am enjoying it immensely. It is not a walk in the park mind you, it is often very hard and difficult. I struggle with many things and am aware of just how human I am. I am here by the grace of God and that is all. Sheer determination has played a major part too. When others would have caved I dug in, with God's help, learning to rely on Him in my weakness and for His strength.
Tonight I miss my children immensely. Profusely. More than ever. When they are here, this is home. The rest of the time it is an apartment. They are what make this place a home. On my weekends without them, when they are with their dad I miss them more than ever. When they are here, my heart is at peace.
So much on my mind and heart tonight. Heavy heart, heavy mind. Going to give it all to God as I have absolutely no control over any of it. Tonight I leave it at my Savior's throne. I give myself to Him and to His care.
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