I am weary from the struggles I've been going through for the last couple of years. My heart is still broken although I'm stronger than ever. God has rebuilt me into this amazing mosaic of experiences, knowledge and wisdom.
Most happy when I'm with the children. I call them children to keep this sorta private although I know it's not. My heart is at peace and relaxes only when they are with me or for the most part when they are with me.
We are all weary. I feel like I've been through the biggest spiritual attack of my life and it's still ongoing. Satan managed to tear apart my family. He nearly derailed me several years ago when I was seriously struggling with depression. Back before I realized what GOD thinks about me and that is the only person that I care about. God says that I am wonderfully and beautifully made. I am NOT who I was told that I was for so many years. God has a plan for my life that is unfolding day by day. I wish that I knew more of His plan but right now He just takes me day by day, providing what I need for that day. It's really quite amazing to experience. I remember my mom telling me at the beginning that it would be like God would be my husband now and I thought she was nuts at the time. Now I think that I'm beginning to understand what she meant a little better.
God has become my constant companion, the one from whom I draw my strength, the one who provides me with wisdom and the one who imparts courage to me. He has filled the void that was left in me when my husband chose not to be married to me anymore. He's bridged the gap. Yeah that sounds like a cliche and it is but it really illustrates the reality that I'm trying to explain.
I'm sure if you're like me you're heard people say "God will meet you where you are." What I believe is that God was already right there with you the whole time, waiting. So in a way, God has met me where I am - here is right here with me, sitting on my fluffy blue couch as I type my messages to who knows how many people. I rather like not knowing because it allows me to write as if I were writing to a dear friend.
God is good. Do I understand all about His goodness? No I do not. Someday it will be perfected when we sit at his throne and sing Holy Holy Holy is the lamb. Can you hear it? I can't wait until that day. I pray that I live a very long life. I want to see my children grow, I'd love to be a grandmother someday. I have hopes and dreams for my future that I truly believe God put in me. I just want to shout to the world, God is good. Even in the middle of the hurt, illness, sickness, pain. He is right there with you. Let Him be a part of your life. Let Him use you. I know that is my prayer tonight. Lord, let me be used of you to serve you in whatever way you have planned. Please show me what you'd like me to do next.
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