Tears. Exhaustion. Unrest. These are the feelings I'm experiencing as with each day I inch toward this divorce. There is a very good chance the divorce will happen in September. The hope and dream of my life will be over. I don't think that I'm going to handle this well.
Tonight there are tears. Tomorrow there might be joy. Joy comes in the morning.
I'm just broken. I'm just a broken woman that God is putting back together. He's rebuilding me into something new. A new creation. Unfortunately this process involves much hurt and much sadness. I know that He has a perfect plan for me and even though I don't understand it I love Him enough to trust in the person of God. I trust in His character. I trust the Omnipotent, Omniscient God of the universe that He has plans for me. Plans for good and not for evil. Jeremiah says that.
I'm not going to let myself experience these tears tonight. I have cried more tears than I ever thought one human being could cry. I have felt sorry for myself, I have felt the whole gamut of emotions. I've mostly felt relieved. I feel like I've been set free. Rescued by God in a weird weird way.
I feel this void in my heart that was left there by my husband. I'm not sure that I will ever "get over it". I might and have gotten over him but I spent 1/3 of my life with him. That's a long time. We had beautiful children together.
Tonight it's raw emotions. I hope tomorrow is better. I've been beaten down and God has picked me up. He is the shelter over me. His banner over me is love.
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