Today, in fact this whole week I felt the hand of God on and in my life. Last weekend I prayed a heart felt prayer to ask God for guidance and wisdom regarding my living situation. The very next day a person at a place I go to told me that because of some info I had given her I now qualified for their help. I was to pick up a letter from them and then take it to this place, this apartment complex and fill out an application.
So Wednesday I picked up the letter and today I went to the apartment place. I walked in, a little scared that I would be treated as a less than human being because of my situation and this letter I carried. A very nice woman sat down with me, told me all about what they do, and showed me the apartment. It was smaller - much smaller than my current place but it will be adequate for my needs for the next couple of years. I filled out an application and she ran the credit check which wasn't great because someone else left me with a mountain of debt and no job. He had stopped paying my bills months before the divorce was filed. So when I got these bills they were already or close to being in collections. Thanks to God and some help from people I have been able to pay them off, I"m almost done.
I was treated with dignity and respect and it felt amazing. I am going to be living quite a ways from the kids but maybe this is what I need - a fresh start in new surroundings. It is not far from where we once lived when my oldest was young. It's crowded and busy but it is going to be my new home and I am just thankful. I am blessed beyond belief.
Can't wait to talk to the kids to tell them the news. God is working. He is moving. More than ever I want to know His will and do it no matter the consequence to me.
Amazing things are happening in my life. Some of my friends are experiencing great happiness while others are in deep despair. I rejoice with one and mourn with one. Bearing one another's burdens. God created us all for relationships with each other. That is what it is all about. He as the creator longs to have relationships with His children. We, those who are His children, should long for Him in the same way.
On my way home tonight I cried. It felt good to be treated with dignity today at the place where I went. Tonight I miss my children immensely. They are with their father and I have not talked with them since yesterday when I took them to their day camp. I long to have them with me. I believe that somehow someday God will work it out for my children to be with me either all the time or most of the time. I long for that. I beseech God for that.
Tonight I have one or two relationships with people that need mending and I'm not sure how to begin. It starts with humility and I need to ask God for wisdom to know how to work things out. I have an idea. I will have to see if this person is open to my idea. It would be an olive branch offered. A peace offering. To mend what has been broken.
God is doing an amazing work in my life. Nothing is impossible for God. It's nice to have such an a person on your side. I feel as if He would move mountains for me and He has!!!!! Things that I thought impossible are now possible. God is working out the path of my life day by day and I am thankful for His many blessings.
Tonight I am thankful to be alive after last week's scare. I am thankful for friends who truly care about me. I am thankful for my family who has stood with me against the enemy who has tried to tear me down. Satan has tried to shipwreck my life for the past 5-6 years and God just keeps protecting me, putting me under his wing to shelter me from what Satan is trying to do. God has been the insulation of my life. He hasn't insulated me from experiencing the hurts and results of sin and the break up of my relationship but he has insulated me somewhat from Satan's attacks. I feel a little like God did to me like He did to Job. God allowed Satan to do all these horrible things to see if Job would remain righteous and remain trusting in His maker. I feel like God has allowed me to experience great pain and although I may never truly and fully understand it while I'm here, I know that God has a purpose for what He is doing and I trust Him.
You see, his character is good. He is good. He is omnipotent. He is omniscient. He is all in all. He is the I AM. Before the world began He was. God spoke and the world came into existence. Then He created man, his greatest creation and the one that He loves the most.
We live in a fallen world. We're broken people who love God passionately through the pain, through the hurt and through the disappointment because we love God THAT MUCH. We rest in Him.
Lately all I've wanted to do is write. I rarely turn on my tv anymore, am contemplating getting rid of cable and getting rid of tv at our home. I'm not sure that I'm going that radical. I'm just thinking about it. I want to help other people who are hurting. I feel it is my calling, my mission. I'm not exactly sure who I'm supposed to help but God knows. I just have to listen for His plan.
God is on His throne. Someday we will worship at His feet in awe of His majesty. Singing Holy Holy Holy. When I get there I want more than anything else in the world to hear God say "well done my good servant." That would be the best words ever spoken.
That is all there is so say tonight.
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