People want to know if I'm looking and the answer is no. I can't even think about that. I am going to get my life in order first. So much to do, so much for God to heal and fix.
I don't get it. When I got married my spouse's family became my own. We were close, often writing each other every day. Got together for dinner, lunch and get togethers. Now that my spouse has filed for divorce of course they rally around their family member and I get that on one level. The other side of me thinks: did I ever really have a REAL relationship with those people? This divorce has made me question everything. I miss my extended family intensely. Of course I hope that I will keep in touch after we divorce but the realistic side of me doubts that's possible.
Family. What a complicated thing. They are the glue that binds you to others. I love my family. We are a bunch of broken but amazing people. I would die for any member of my family in a heartbeat. Yet sometimes I feel like I'm completely misunderstood by my family. I was sharing my feelings about a situation that happened between my spouse and I this week and my family member thought I was being a victim. I was thinking, wow, we are having real and honest communication and I'm able to share my hurts with him. I am SO NOT A VICTIM. Does being disappointed with the way things have turned out make me a victim? No, to me that's real, honest. Does being a little disillusioned with things make me a victim? No, that makes me real, honest.
I feel frustrated sometimes because I just want to scream. Sure I have the support of friends and family but no one is in my shoes and as much as people try (and they do try with such good intentions) they will never know what it is like to be me. Sometimes people who are hurting just want to hear someone say, "I'm sorry you're going through that." We don't always want answers. We want empathy on a base level.
Okay I'm rambling so I will sign off. This post makes me sound a little jaded.
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