Pangs of Intense Sadness

I know why a lot of men and women who are divorced are bitter.  It's because they have been through intense sadness.  I'm going through intense sadness and it comes at the oddest of times.  When driving, I often break down in tears.  In church I can't keep a dry eye.  

I've vowed one thing: I will not become a bitter woman who has been scarred by divorce.  I pray forgiveness upon my spouse.  

I wake up everyday and think to myself "this is a nightmare."  I literally think that - it's the first thought in my head every single day after I wake up and rub the sleep out of my eyes.   Somedays after that I think "this is the day that the Lord has made."  It's about choosing.  It's about being brave enough to NOT want revenge or hurt upon the one I love.   It's about being brave enough to face a life of unknowns.  My whole world was turned upside down the day he told me he wanted a divorce.  The day I left the house to come here was the scariest thing that I've ever done.  

You know what I want more than anything?  When I get to Heaven, I want to hear God say "well done my good and faithful servant."  That would be the crowning point of my life.  And to see my family there too, now THAT would be a life worth living.