Closing Ranks

I'm closing ranks again.  Now is when I close ranks around my little family and focus on US.  Focus on loving them unconditionally, like only a mama can do.  I'm closing ranks.  This means people who used to be in my life are no longer going to have a role in my life.  I need to take care of myself and limit my exposure to people who are not helpful to me.

For me, I have nothing left to give.  I am tapped out.  I need to re-charge so that I can begin to fill refill me. I don't mean this in a selfish kind of way.  I have a responsibility only to myself and my kids to take care of myself, to serve at church, to love God with every fiber in me.

I'm just done.  I can't or won't go into details here but I'm done.  I've had one thing too many happen and now I'm out.

God's in control of my life, who comes in and out of it.  I've frankly got too much else going on to worry about anyone that isn't one of my kids or my family.  I just don't have it in me.  Seriously.  I'm on my last bit of energy and I do not have any more to give anyone else.  Is that selfish?  Maybe.  I think it's just called being responsible and knowing your limits.

This morning I cried at work, had to go outside to just let it out.  Then at lunch, I cried again.  Then tonight I cried most of the way home.  I spent some time talking to my sister in law which was good.  Now I am ready to rest....and chill out.  I just want to pet my furry kitty and hear her purr.

I am going back to my original dream: someday I want a tiny house built for three.  Me and my little people.  We're going to have flowers, a beautiful yard and a garden out back.  The house will be filled with love.  It will be the house the other kids want to come to.

Back to basics.  That does not include people who suck me dry then leave me for dead.

I need to go to the stream of living water and drink.