Being without my children for me is like hell on earth. I know, in the big scheme of things there are much worse things but for me, this is the hardest thing that I've ever had to endure. Sometimes the pain of not having them here is unbearable like it is tonight. I miss them intensely. A two minute phone conversation does not cut it for me tonight. I want their little selves here with me, in our HOME.
Today I've been "nesting" in my new apartment. I really want this place to feel like home because my last place was NOT. I detested being there, it felt like torture because my home, where my babies were, was right up the street. The nice thing about the new place is that everything up here is new. New home, new place, new place to make a life.
My little one asked me the other day if when we move from here will it be into a house? I told him/her "I hope so honey but I don't know." It is like the very thing that I want to provide for them (home of our own) is a million years away. It's at least 5 years away. By then my oldest will be a teenager and it will just be different.
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