Forgiven

I write a lot about forgiveness because it's such an important topic and one that I have had struggles with over the years.  I once had to write down all my resentments to do a step in a  program and I had 10 pages, single spaced, typed out.  My sponsor had not seen anything quite like it before.  To say that I remember everything is (basically) true.  I have some memory gaps due to a medical issue but for the most part my mind is like a steel trap door.

It's one thing to remember everything but it's quite another to hold onto it.  Yes, you know what I'm talking about.   The little resentment that festers, that grows until it's blown out of proportion and becomes a major problem.  Do not let the sun go down on your anger says the Bible.  To me that means, deal with each day's problems THAT DAY and do not carry them from day to day to day.  In other words resentment is not Biblical, not even sorta kinda at all.  It's just sin.

I hung onto resentments for years.  Some against friends, some against family, some against my spouse at the time, some against my kids probably too.  Resentments will eat you alive from the inside out.  They are like having a rotten gut.

So lets talk about the options.  The solution.  God provided it for us, it's called FORGIVENESS and He believed in the idea so much that He sent His only Son down to earth to die FOR US, for our sins, for our resentments.  Then He offers this gift of forgiveness out for us to have.  It's a free gift.  We can't do anything to deserve it or earn it.  It's just free.  I think the best things in life are free.  At least they don't cost ME anything.

So a while back I let some of my resentments go about my failing marriage and the other person involved.  I prayed and realized that I was really resentful against GOD more than against anyone down here.  I was indignant that the Almighty God I've served my whole life did not choose to fix my marriage but instead is letting me experience the natural consequences of sin.

I gave it to God.  I gave my soon to be ex to God too.  Heck I even prayed for any lady my soon to be ex is dating because if she's going to be in my children's lives I need her to be strong.  If she's to have a chance at a good marriage with my ex, she will need to be well, different, than me.

I'm so thankful and grateful that God gives me this amazing gift that I just have to reach for.  Forgiveness.  Forgive others.  Forgive God.  Forgive yourself.  I had to actually forgive myself for many many things.

After the forgiveness comes the amazing grace, falling from Heaven into the depository of our hearts.  God, I thank you for sending your Son Jesus to forgive my sins and I pray that You will help me to be more forgiving of others and more forgiving of myself.  Thank you for forgiving me as far as the east is from the west.  That concept continues to blow my mind.  How amazing.  Only God could think of that. Unbounding forgivness.