Craziness

Life is speeding up again and I'm not happy about it.  I need to take my time and smell the roses.  If I had any to smell!  I miss my roses a lot.  Each and every bush that I planted.  I planted 7 rose bushes at my old house.....and they are doing beautifully, despite their current owner's hatred of them!  :-)  I think it's cosmic justice.

Work is going really good.  I've found my groove, and I've also been trying to step up my game, to compete for "top dog."  I think that I already have it but I have to stay sharp.

So every where there is pressure trying to creep into my life.  I don't mind responsibility but pressure is when you take it too far.  What I do to combat pressure: I listen to Christian radio as I drive to work, on my lunch hour I listen to it too, different problems because I go at different times every day.  I listen to the Bible Answer Man on my way home from work.  Other ways I combat pressure: I get enough sleep.  I take a lot of sleep and usually am in bed by 9:30 and sleep until 6:55!  It takes me about 20 minutes to get ready for work then it's hurry to the job.....while I listen and learn about God.

When I first moved here I used to spend my mornings crying, my lunch hour crying and the drive home to pick up my kids for their "visit" crying.  I've come so far or should I say, God has brought me so far.  He has set me free.  He has freed my head from the thoughts and feelings that tried to take my very life on multiple occasions.  He has freed me to be the kind of mom I've always wanted and wanted to be.  I have hope for the first time in a long time.   Just two years ago I was despondent.

Two years of excruciating pain and unimaginable growth.  It took one to have the other.  I had to go through the pain to get to the joy.  Now, with each passing day there are more and more days with joy and less and less days filled with unhappiness.

I have dreams and goals and yes, even hopes for my future and the future of my children.  Only God knows the plans He has for my life but if God is in control then He can do amazing things through me, to me and for me.    I literally wouldn't have made it through the last two years unless I had a real, vital and tangible relationship with my God.  He has become my all in all.

If you're reading this then you're one of my trusted few that I have told about this site.  If you're that important to me, then I ask that you pray for me and for the girl's dad.  Pray that God would change his heart as much as He has changed mine.  Pray that I can become willing to forgive him....even if we are no longer married I still need to forgive him for the past.  If I don't forgive him then I am tied to my past and that is not my reality: God has set me free and I want to be free indeed!  

To have weight lifted off of my heart that has been there, festering and getting heavier year by year - to have that be lifted by God off of me is an example of His mercy.  To be granted loving children with good health is grace.  To get to live another day - joy.

night