My Monday Night Thoughts

It was a Monday.  I took the biggest claim and spent the entire day working on it.  The bigger and harder the claim, the more I am challenged.  I like to see just how much money I can save our company while still following the rules and being fair to the person I'm working with.  I like challenges.

I think everyone needs a fluffy kitty like mine.  She just sits on the arm of the sofa by me almost all night.  My other one lays on the other end of the sofa keeping me company.  I never knew that I could be a cat person since my heart really is a dog person.  I want a big golden retriever again someday.  Someday.

I wonder about my someday.  When will it start?  Is this it?  When the divorce is over can my someday please start because I've been in limbo forever and it hurts my heart.  I'm ready to be happy again.  I'm ready to trust someone with my thoughts and feelings.  I think.  Still hard to let people in but I know that I must.  God has created us for relationships with one another.  Some friendships, some are romantic, others are well, other.

I'm tired of being lonely.  I hate it.  I hate it so much.  This thing has taken forever to get through.  I know  that it is all in God's time and that He is in control of my life.  I want to be a real mom again; do real mom things like I used to.  I want to help little people have good lives.  I've realized that at my age most of the single men have been married before, most if not all have kids with their previous spouse.  I had never really thought of the dynamics of blending two families together but God could do anything.  Maybe someday I will end up loving on other people's kids!  Who knows?  I know that I am not opposed to the idea at all.

I feel like I'm old and set in my ways but I don't want to be old and set in my ways.  I want to have fun.  I want to be with someone who loves  God passionately as I do and who is committed to raising their kids to love God.  I want to marry a man who will LEAD me and my family.  I want to be with someone I respect and admire.  I want to be cherished and loved for the rest of my life.  Is that asking too much?  I'm going to be picky on the next go-round.  I want to be married to the next man until the day he or I dies.  I want to grow old together, holding hands as we walk in the park.  I want to enjoy grandkids together someday.

God has put a desire in my heart and a hope for my future.  I do not know what it will be (my future) but I know that I serve a loving and caring God who cares deeply for my soul.  Surely He will give me the desires of my heart!

This is getting kinda long; well hey it's Monday and I have a lot to say.  The next two days are going to be horribly hard and I'm going to need all the prayers that I can get so if you're reading this and you're a pray-er, then pray for wisdom, strength, courage and dignity.  Pray for poise (I do not want to cry in the court room).  Just pray.