More questions than Answers

Listen up people....the goal is NOT happiness.  If it were happiness I'd scoot down to the closest liquor store and drink myself happy.  As believers we are to strive for something way higher than happiness - God's will.  I'm not talking about following Him in the good times.  I'm talking about the clinging to my Heavenly Father thing.  When your insides hurt so bad you wish for anything to change the way you feel or the hurt you're feeling.  The goal is still not happiness.  The goal is communion with our Heavenly Father.  Deep, intense relationship with one who truly knows us and loves us anyway!

I am so blessed.  Compared to the things my friends are dealing with the things I'm struggling with are a piece of cake.   Young men and old friends who have cancer.  People with children with developmental disabilities.  People who have lost someone they loved.  People who have lost hope.  These are the very people Christ came to save.  No, I'm not talking about a free pass from pain, I'm talking about the redemptive power of Christ's love for us.

We're not promised lives with no pain.  In fact I would wager to say that the believer is on par with the type of pains those in "the world" go through.  Our divorce rate in the church is the same.  I would imagine the rate of sexual assault is the same.  I know the rate for domestic abuse is the same.  We're all the same.  We are all living in this broken world.    Sure, God can heal when and if He chooses but sometimes He wants us to honor Him in our pain.  THAT is a calling, let me tell you.

At the very beginning of my divorce process I thought to myself: I just want people to see Jesus in me through this pain.  The cool thing is that I've been able to meet people on a whole different level, a much more intimate level.  Believers and unbelievers alike sharing their pain with me....for whatever reason they feel safe enough to do that.

Many years ago I wanted to be a counselor.  It would be a great second career to have.  Maybe it will just be a ministry.  I want to teach young women how to love their husbands.  I know, I'm not qualified on that one but in a way, I'm very uniquely qualified.  God gave and then for some reason took away my marriage my safety net.  The one thing that I put first in my life is now in pieces.  I don't understand why God has done this or allowed it to happen.  It is definitely as a result of my actions, or our actions as a couple.

I have more quesitons than answers.  Each day I thank God that I have a good job, that it's fairly secure (at the moment) and that I've got good health insurance.  What a blessing.  There are many who do not have work so I am blessed beyond measure.

One thing I know tonight and if you're reading this and hurting, God is still good.  No matter what the pain we're experiencing, it does not change the fact that He is immeasurably good.  That He wants good things for His children.  We are his brightest creation, the apple of His eye.  Rest in Him tonight you with the hurting heart.   I will pray that God will bring you rest.

night