In the Trenches

Do you ever have those weekends when you feel you're in the trenches of parenting?  This was one of those weekends for me.  I felt like I was in the trenches.  You know, the times when you want to pull out your hair and cry or laugh, you're not sure which?  Kids pushing their limits, causing mom to set the boundaries and consequences.

Today was a great day.  I served the second graders at church by helping a little.  Our regular teacher was gone and I served with some nice people. Then I was able to participate in the parent/child dedication with the kids.  It was amazing and special and neat.  People probably thought that we were weird because the kids were older but this was my way of asking the church, my family and people there to help me raise my kids up in the Lord.  I had a brief moment when I wished that I wasn't standing there alone, that I was standing their with their dad but that moment quickly passed as I realize that I am now the spiritual leader in our home.  That situation is not how I envisioned it.

I've begun to realize lately that what little ties held me to the kid's dad are all but gone and in a couple of weeks will be gone completely.  I'm ready to start again, so ready to meet people, develop friendships and if God would have it in my future, marry again.  My dream is being a stay at home mom again.  I'd like to be a full time mom even if I just have my own kids part time.  Maybe I'll inherit kids if I marry again and have step children.  I hate the word step children it sounds so evil and not loved.  If I marry then my husband's children will be as my own and I will love them and do for them the same.  Honestly I think it would be a slight adjustment, okay a major adjustment, but I really am open to whatever God will have for me.  I had always wanted a big family, maybe I'll marry into one.

Tonight I learned my little one has told all his/her friends about Jesus and about how to go to Heaven while at recess.  How cool is that?  So neat to see God working in little people's lives.  Makes me feel both humbled and proud at the same time.  So proud to be his/her momma.  Made me so excited because the kids really are picking up what they hear at church and what I tell them about God in our every day life.  Super cool night.

I'm tired.  Will go to bed early.  Slept horrible last night but made it.  Early morning in the am. and we have to get up early tomorrow for school.  I've got lunches made except for sandwiches which I will do in the a.m.

Trying to get kids to bed early tonight as they seem tired tonight.  Big, wonderful day to celebrate.

Happy momma tonight.  Wish they didn't have to go back to their dad's.  I like them HERE.  I can't deal with the fact that I may have to share them 50/50 with their dad for their whole life.  They want to be here.  They've said so.  Now to trust God to work it out.

Lord I give my children to you tonight.  I give you my role as mother.  Please shape me into a person more like You.  I need more patience and I need a tongue that is under control.  Please help me to have wisdom Lord.  Wisdom from above.