So here I sit, two years later, still dealing with world's longest divorce I still have to realize that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I'm just now ready to be divorced. It took this long. Now although it will hurt greatly and make me very sad, I am ready to not be married to this person any more. In another month all my ties beyond that of having kids together, all ties will be gone, broken. I will be FREE. Free to follow Christ as He leads me toward a new life, new everything. I'm moving too to top it off
Greatest opportunity for disaster is greatest opportunity for blessing in God's world. I like that. Just heard visiting pastor say this. I have to ignore what I feel and trust what I see and step out in faith. I feel like this is my time, I can either step toward God, despite my crippling fear and anxiety, and experience what God has planned for me, the blessings He has for me or I can let the fear paralyze me into immobility.
I want to be a woman after God's own heart. I want to continue serving my church, my children and someday, another husband for the rest of my life. God created people for relationships. I have been alone for so many years, legally for two years, and now I am ready to although it freaks me out, ready to open my heart to another in faith. You see, I know that God can heal and is healing what was broken when that divorce was filed but God is going to have the glory in my life through this. God can take what is broken and make something beautiful from it.
Sticks and stones will break our bones but words will break our hearts. That sums it up for me. The words that were spoken into my life have hurt me so very deeply. Will I ever forget the words that broke me? I'm not really sure. To this day they haunt me and in the quiet moments I believe Satan brings them to mind, trying to tear me down, trying to break me. So today I just give them back to God. I give my hurt to God for Him to heal me. Pastor just said "words are ambassadors of the soul." How very true.
So Lord, not sure why you have me here today thinking, cleaning, working, but I know you want my attention. You have my attention and my heart. Please bless me and my children in a special way. Please provide what I need financially in order to do what I need in the next couple of months. I've seen you do amazing things in my life and I'm counting on your continued blessing in my life and in the lives of my children.
God I give myself to you again today. Take me and use me, even in my brokenness to bless You and to bless others, especially my children. Help others to see Christ in me in the midst of this heartache. Thank you for the friends who have come alongside me to encourage. Lord bless them as they have blessed me.
until another time,
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