You know lately I've discovered that the woe is me's have come back. Today as I talked to a friend it was depressing even me. I've been in a funky state for about a month. Now is time to snap out of it.
This weekend I felt human again. I know, that sounds weird but when you've been holed up in this apartment for two years....it is nice to re-join the human race. Had a fun time going to a movie last night. I haven't been to a movie with anyone other than kids for two years. I felt like a grown up again.! yes, you can all stop laughing at me now. It is true.
Tomorrow is church and then NOTHING. I need to get some boxes and just start packing this stuff up. I am excited about move, even if it is into a tiny little apartment. I plan to make it my home. I might even buy curtains for this next place. Hold onto your hats, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, homey things are now going to enter my apartment. I just signed a year lease but most likely I will be there about 2 or more years until I hope to put a downpayment down on a home. (my dream).
Who knows? A lot can change in two years. So much has changed in the last two years....some good and some bad but my God works all things together for good for them who love Him. Even these horrible days of divorce pain I can use to glorify him through it. That's the bottom line. I want to live a life that glorifies God. Each and every day. I do not do that perfectly, so not even close.
Today when I was asked about my plans for my future I think that I said some of what I want but was afraid to say what I really want. I'm afraid to be vulnerable even if it is just to a friend. My sense of trust was broken in two when my spouse filed for divorce. At that point I began to mistrust anybody. I did not know who was really on my side and who wasn't.
Truth be told, I'd like to get married again. And I don't want to wait a million years to do it. I want to share my life with someone who holds the same faith as me, who loves me passionately as I do him. I want it to be equal. I am willing to follow as any good wife should and willing to submit out of faith, not because some evil person requires it of me. I want to follow someone, I need someone who will lead me. I'm a very strong person and personality and I'm not for everyone. I probably talk too much and am taken the wrong way a LOT. My heart is good, my intentions are good but execution sometimes is lacking.
So lots of things to pray for. Mainly that I make it through the month of October and live to see another day! ha
Night all
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