Sometimes when you're under stress you just get into this auto-pilot mode. I'm a lot like that with my job. Right now, I go to bed at the same time for the most part, then wake up exactly at the same time. I then arrive within 2-3 minutes of the same time, every day. I don't even realize how weary I think that I am. I've gotten really burned out at work, the thrill is gone, now it is just daily stress. I mean, work is and can be stressful. After all, we were banished from the garden and the result was that we had to WORK! So to expect it to be great probably isn't realistic.
I have about 3 weeks of intense-ness. I have court in about 3-4 weeks and I have to trust that my God will go before me to make a way for me.
Sitting here listening to Francesca Battestelli. I know that I've written about her music before but I really do enjoy to listen to her. I'm also really enjoying Sanctus Real lately. Both groups are great.
This is going to be a year of changes. I've already gotten a good start by all the change that God has done in my heart thus far. He who began a good work in me will complete it. There are more layers of hurt inside that just are painful to talk about and so I don't. I've managed to process through a lot of my things through the help of my counselor, my church, my family and my friends. I've one sister in law that would listen to me each and every time I call for as long as it would take for me to deal with whatever I was facing next. I am indebted to her for that.
This is going to be a year of changes. For the first time since he filed for divorce, my heart is open to whatever and whomever God will bring to it and to me. I might sound like a total softie but I want to have an amazing relationship with someone, for the rest of my life. I want to give my heart to another and have that feeling returned. That amazing connection that you have when God is a part of the relationship. That's how you know it's good and true, if God is the focus of your relationship. I want to be with someone who will lead me and I will follow, happily. I just want another shot at love and about 4-5 months ago I prayed that God would send someone to me.
I do not know what God has for me. I have my own dreams, that I would like to think are in line with what God would have for me but even my most amazing dreams are probably less than what God wants to do with me and through me and in me. Turning my life over daily to the One who hung all the stars in the sky. Believing that He can bring a man into my life who will love my somewhat beat-up heart and see through it into me.
Big dreams but then again I serve a big God. He can do anything.
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